Joe Sharkey At Large

From today’s paper: “The country — the former Burma — has roughly as many monks as soldiers.”

I’d say that’s part of the problem. But that’s
beside the points, which are:

1. Why do the papers dutifully refer to that godforsaken place as Myanmar? You’re not often going to often hear me in agreement with the White House, but I am this time. The name of the country is Burma. Myanmar is a label stuck on it in 1989 by the wack-job thugs who took over in the crazy military coup that still rules today. I don’t care what the prissy style-books say, it’s Burma.

2. On Sept. 25, 2007 (meaning, only last Tuesday), the Pacific Asia Travel Association put out a cheerful press release “Asia Pacific Tourism Continues to Break Records.” True enough, and great! But without irony or footnote, the organization listed “Myanmar” as one of those happy go-to spots that “posted best-ever performances in 2006.”

3. Well, you undoubtedly know this already, but if you have immediate Burma plans, cancel them!

In a warning issued last week, the State Department said that “U.S. citizens should defer non-essential travel to Burma at this time.” The warning went on:

“The scale of demonstrations by monks and Burmese citizen supporters in Rangoon, Mandalay, and other cities has grown and become more overtly political. Authorities have used gunfire and tear gas against demonstrators, have begun to restrict their movements, and have imposed a curfew from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. The government has banned gatherings of more than five people. The situation remains fluid and an even harsher military reaction could occur at any time, particularly if the protests continue.

“We wish to remind U.S. citizens that even demonstrations intended to be peaceful can turn confrontational and possibly escalate into violence. U.S. citizens are therefore urged to avoid areas of demonstrations and to exercise caution within the vicinity of any demonstrations. U.S. citizens should defer non-essential travel to Burma at this time. Given the fluidity of the current situation, the Department of State advises all U.S. citizens in Burma to monitor events closely, to exercise discretion when moving about, and to avoid any large public gatherings, any visible military presence, and any area cordoned off by security forces.”

By the way, a reader insists the name of the country should be Myanmar, and I say it’s Burma and the hell with it. The military thugs who changed the name from Burma don’t get the benefit of a thumb-sucking copy desk colloquy in this space.

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The Times today has a story about a list of new questions in the civics test for qualification for citizenship.

Here are the three sample questions the report gave:

1. What was one important thing that Abraham Lincoln did?

2. What does the president’s cabinet do?

3. What stops one branch of government from becoming too powerful?

I got Number 1 right, but answered “Nothing” to both Number 2 and Number 3, which apparently are incorrect answers, at least according to the credulous Citizenship and Immigration Services.

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Quote of the day from the morning news:

“If Huntsville is in the blast zone, there is nothing we can do.”

Your Homeland Security tax dollars at work.

For more fallout shelter fun …

It’s my contention that war is the oldest and of course most extreme form of business travel. My first international business trip, then, was to Saigon in early 1968, courtesy of Uncle Sam.

It’s always stuck in my craw that George Bush, the “Bring it on” warrior, managed to dodge Vietnam service thanks to the intervention of Daddy’s pals — and then even managed to be AWOL from a portion of his cushy stateside duty in the National Guard.

The fact that he did so without evident consequence, and now struts around posing as some sort of military patriot, is as irksome to me as the fact that his vice president, the deputy great warrior, got himself five draft deferments during the Vietnam era (saying he had “other priorities”), when other men of the generation were either doing their duty or taking principled stands against the war.

Bush and Cheney did neither. But man, do they flash those cheap flag pins as if someone had pinned Bronze Stars on their lapels.

And man, do they like to return salutes. Ever notice how Bush has the snappy salute down just right?

Can you imagine what Eisenhower would have thought of those two birds?

Anyway, now comes the matter of Dan Rather, suing his former employers at CBS News over the ruination of his career that followed the partially botched but nevertheless essentially accurate report on Bush’s time being AWOL.

As a reporter, I’ve always liked old Dan. He’s just tough and screwy enough to remind me of the days when the business was a barrel of laughs, but when its practitioners also believed they served an honest purpose other than making the numbers for Viacom’s (or Gannett’s) next quarterly report.

Some journalistic sad sacks clinging to their pathetic peerages within the ancien regime are having a good hoot at Rather’s supposed folly and self-delusion.

But I doubt the suits are yukking it up all that much in the dark warrens of Viacom and CBS News. Dan Rather, who’s pretty rich himself, says this isn’t about the money, it’s about the principle of the thing. (Incidentally, reversing the recent stand by the gene-pool-deleted Bancroft family of Dow Jones, who showed that it wasn’t about the principle of the thing, it was about the money).

My guess is, Dan isn’t looking to settle for a tidy sum and with a promise to keep his mouth shut while the papers get sealed and filed away.

If that’s the case, the complaint moves into the pre-trial process, when the word they fear most at CBS News and its master Viacom will be: Discovery — and it has nothing to do with the television network of the same name.

I think Sydney Blumenthal has it just right in Salon today. And the weekly New York Observer also has been seeing this clearly. Cue the orchestra for a little travelin’ music. If the Rather complaint isn’t summarily dismissed by a judge, and that’s unlikely, CBS News is going for a ride.

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Why pilots of two aircraft on a collision course at 37,000 feet wouldn’t necessarily see the other plane, explained by a commercial airline pilot. On my Brazil blog.

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Two words on today’s best news story:

Go Columbia.

And oh, shame on the Great Satan, the Columbia reception has caused the Iranian government to become all upset.

I also liked the New York Post headline: “Little Man on Campus.”

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More from the morning news:

–Am delighted to see that the vastly underappreciated Fifth Stooge, Stumpy, is returning to show business…

–I love it when editors of lame local newspapers that no longer actually make the effort to cover the news get into these sad, hand-wringing winge sessions over some friggin’ comic strip. These editors love to throw around the term “family newspaper,” as if Mom, Dad, Johnny and Susie still sprawl around the living room on Sundays with the funnies.

Various unhappy people have denounced the funnies since the Yellow Kid first came out.

And one thing I’ve learned when some local editor uses the term “family newspaper.” It’s always because he or she is deeply, deeply afraid of some reader being unhappy.

Hey Skippy: There’s always going to be someone trying to intimidate you. Editors used to be able to take a little heat from sad sacks who have nothing better to do than worry about the comics.

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(Right: And his last words were: ” _________”)

(Left): A newspaper lady explains that it was deadlines, not pusillanimity, that caused it to downplay a big anti-war rally in Washington and up-play a small pro-war one. Nothing to do with being afraid to report it honestly. Really. No, it was all about deadlines and how hard it is to count a crowd. Honestly.

Top is George Bush in characteristic cowboy pose. Left is Nicolas Sarkozy, the publicity-savvy city-slicker French president, whose supporters sometimes referred to him as the “man on the white horse” during his campaign.

As I have said here before, that ain’t no horse Sarkozy is on. It is a pony. And Cowboy Nic — as is clear in the video from which this still is taken (sorry, no link available) — is barely able to stay mounted at a slow canter, and yanks on the poor pony’s mouth to boot.

Still, at least M. Sarkozy isn’t afraid to get on a pony, even if it’s little more than the bravado a kid would show if his parents arranged for pony rides at his 8th birthday party.

President George Bush likes to style himself as a cowboy. He has the hat and the fancy boots and the belt and that gol-durn Texas twang. We see by his outfit that he wants to be a cowboy.

But as has also been said here before, the man can’t ride a horse, which is the absolutely first thing that a real cowboy, by definition, must do. He is afraid of horses. He rides a bike instead.

We have word from the former Mexican president, Vincente Fox, who once tried to get Cowboy George on a horse during a visit. Bush is a “windshield cowboy” who’s afraid of horses, Fox says in his new book.

Incidentally, can we please stop referring derisively to things like “cowboy diplomacy” or snorting about “cowboys” like Bush.

According to Gene Autry’s code, that man ain’t no cowboy.

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There are some fights I’m simply not going to get into lightly, and one of them is the it’s-on-dude brawl between the commercial airline industry and the business-aviation industry.

But I do need to say something about Edna, the fictitious star of a new ad campaign by the Air Transport Association (ATA), the trade group for commercial airlines. That’s Edna above, with the affable Jim May, the president of the trade group. Here’s the annoying ad.

Edna supposedly represents those of us who do not fly business jets (I very infrequently get to ride on a demo flight. But the last business jet I flew on crashed over the Amazon a year ago, though through no fault of the pilots).

Anyway, The ATA is clearly quite pleased with this giggly nitwit Edna, whose message is “Tell Congress to stop making Edna … subsidize corporate jets!” and “Edna likes wearing big wigs, not subsidizing them!”

Edna, to my mind, evokes the notion that Americans keep getting dumber.

It amazes me that domestic airlines — whose major customers are business travelers — would use this kind of intelligence-insulting advertising to address a serious aviation issue that most business travelers have genuine interest in.

I hate to say it, but to my mind, Edna represents exactly what the airlines think of us. They think we’re giddy and stupid, like Edna, who says things like “Fiddlesticks!”

Hey Edna: fiddle this, as they would say on my old block.

As a business traveler, I don’t want to be flying with Edna. Edna (and no offense to the actress who plays her) is who the airlines think we are. I’m pretty sure you could sell Edna on a Nigerian lottery deal, or at least a sub-prime mortgage. You could certainly sell her on a virtually worthless paper voucher for a canceled flight.

Here, by the way, is what it’s like to be on a stranded flight (and there have been literally thousands of them this year).

No wonder those who can are taking the business-jet express. Jayzus, I crashed in the Amazon, but at least I didn’t have to put up with Edna in the jungle.

Here’s the ATA position on the matter of aviation funding, currently under review in Congress.

And here is the position of the National Business Aviation Association, in Congressional testimony by Ed Bolen, the president of the National Business Aviation Association, which will have its annual convention next week in Atlanta.

Edna ain’t coming.

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I’m always amazed at the creative energy flashing around the Internet.

I love this one, which is currently making the rounds, but I wouldn’t actually try it on a plane or a train, assuming you actually had a wireless connection going. {Later update: What was I thinking. Obviously, all you have to do it right click the link and you have it without the live connection, as several readers noted}

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train.
Follow these instructions:

Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
Remove your laptop.
Start up.
Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
Then hit this link:

Click here: http://boortz.com/mp3/archive/countdown.swf

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