With the exception of a root canal, nothing gives me the warm and fuzzies quite like TSA workers singing. They did it last year at LAX, and they’re doing it again this year. Check out the video of them singing. They’re actually pretty decent.
Though I do still prefer the Bar and Grill Singers’ version of “Leaving on a Jet Plane.”
(Tip of the hat to Claudia)
Per CNN:
The nation’s 44,000 airport screeners would lose the title “officer,” their metal badges and maybe even the stripes down their pant legs under a bill sponsored by a Transportation Security Administration critic.
Called the “STRIP Act,” for “Stop TSA’s Reach In Policy Act,” the bill was introduced by Rep. Marsha Blackburn, R-Tennessee, on Thursday in response to a series of alleged strip searches by TSA officers.
While I doubt the bill will go anywhere, this actually makes a lot of sense. TSA agents are government clerks, whether or not they want to throw around the term “officer.”
I once got in a bit of an argument with a TSA agent who I referred to by his last name, “Mr. Williams.” I was trying to be respectful by doing so, though he insisted that he was worthy of being referred to as “Officer Williams,” so I requested to be referred to as “Officer” as well. He then asked me if I’m a law enforcement officer, to which I responded “no, I’m a chief executive officer… are you a law enforcement officer?” Of course he just shrugged his shoulders…
Seriously though, TSA agents aren’t law enforcement officers, and I think the lack of a badge or title “officer” would help remind them of that.
I just had the most entertaining TSA patdown ever. As usual when I’m selected for the full body scanner I nicely request a pat down in private.
Tonight I was flying out of JFK and at American’s terminal they typically always send people to the full body scanners, so I requested a private patdown. When requesting a private patdown two male agents have to be present (one to pat you down and one to be sure there’s no funny business) so we go to the screening room as usual. After a quick and pleasant massage patodwn the agent goes to open the door, and it won’t open. He plays with the handle for a bit though it won’t open.
At this point the other TSA agent is more or less making fun of him along the lines of “c’mon man, move over and let me do it.” He tries his luck and has the same issue. The first TSA agent was pretty flamboyant and starts panicking, saying he’s really claustrophobic. They page a supervisor to the private screening room over the walkie talkies, though there’s no answer. They do this at least a dozen times and there’s still no response.
Then they literally start banging against the door while yelling. Still no response. At this point they say “you’re traveling with someone, right?” I said I was, so they said I should use my phone to call them and tell them to let us out. My mom wasn’t answering her phone despite repeatedly calling her. In the meantime the first TSA agent is continuing to panic (the room is pretty small). After nearly 10 minutes in the private screening room the supervisor comes over and opens the door from the outside.
The only thing he says is “see, this is American Airlines’ fault.” Hah, yeah right!
The next time you’re at a TSA checkpoint and opting for a patdown in lieu of the full body scanner (aka nude-o-scope), consider trying this out if you’re a guy:
Transportation Security Officer: “I’m going to be running my hand up your inner thigh until I reach the area of resistance. Do you have any sensitive areas I need to know about?”
You: “Yes, my resistance sack.”
If they’re smart enough to process this (which isn’t necessarily a given), they’ll at least crack a smile. I read that on FlyerTalk a few weeks ago and have tried it a few times, and the reaction has been priceless.
A trend I’ve noticed lately is TSA agents asking questions — not just making small talk — while checking IDs (I experienced it as far back as March at SFO). If TSA agents were actually properly trained in behavior detection or were smarter about the way they did it, I’d say it’s not a half bad idea (though those are two Jupiter-sized “ifs”).
Case in point, while clearing security at JFK earlier in the week the TSA agent asked every single passenger for their first name and where they were flying to. Now maybe I’m just an ass, but I find that to be ridiculous. What exactly are they trying to stop by doing that? Are they trying to stop someone with a fake ID? If so, I’d think someone with a fake ID would at least know the name of the person they’re pretending to be and where they’re flying to. More importantly, the agent asked every passenger the same question, so one would hear it in advance and be able to find out that information before actually being asked.
Anyway, when it was my turn and the agent asked me what my first name is and where I was flying to, I responded with “it’s on my boarding pass and ID, ma’am.” She said “let me ask you again, where are you flying to today and what’s your last name?” I responded with “do I have to answer that in order to be able to fly tonight?”
She said “it depends,” and I responded with “how about I give you another form of identification so you can verify my identity?” She rolled her eyes and tried to call over a supervisor, though he was busy. Instead she looked at my second ID and waved me through.
I know some will say I’m being stubborn and should just answer the question. I can appreciate the sentiment, though feel that at a certain point passengers have to stand up and ask “why?” This, to me, is as silly as being asked what your favorite flavor of ice cream is at the checkpoint. Others will say my frustration is misdirected at the front line agents. I actually don’t want to make their lives any harder, though at a certain point I think the best way to rally for change is to express my displeasure to front line employees and hope they pass it on to their superiors. If 70% of passengers asked why they were being asked something ridiculous, I’d be willing to bet we would see change.
Of course this is nothing compared to the pat down I got from a one armed TSA agent…
For those of you not familiar with Global Entry, it’s a “trusted traveler” program whereby you can bypass the lines at immigration if you’re a member.
I’ve been meaning to join Global Entry for a long time now, though there is a bit of work required to join, so I kept pushing it off. After waiting at immigration at LAX for about an hour back in May after arriving from London, I convinced myself to stop pushing it off and actually join. The fact that American Express recently added the benefit of reimbursing Platinum cardholders for the registration fee was the icing on the cake, as the usual fee to register is $100.
About a month ago I went to Global Entry’s website and filled out the registration form. It took maybe 30 minutes, and asked just about all the personal information imaginable, including the countries I’ve visited in the past 10 years. That was a pretty long list and I didn’t want to screw it up, so I literally found myself going through the entire list of countries and trying to recall whether or not I had visited them.
Global Entry has a page that lists your approval status, and for about 3.5 weeks my application showed as “pending review.” Just this past week I became “conditionally approved,” and was able to schedule an interview at one of their stations. As luck would have it I was in New York this past weekend, so scheduled an interview for 30 minutes after I was scheduled to land from Tampa.
I arrived early and headed straight to the Global Entry center in terminal 4 at JFK. I sat down in the waiting area since I saw the agent interviewing someone. Little did I know there were multiple agents sitting around, I just hadn’t initially seen them because I didn’t want to interrupt the interview.
An agent welcomed me and tried to find my appointment, though after much searching without luck she pointed out that my appointment was actually for the following day. Fortunately that wasn’t an issue and she was happy to take me as a walk-in.
The “interview” took maybe 15 minutes and consisted of the agent reading me basically everything I had submitted on my application to confirm it’s accuracy. She was a bit confused by what I did for a living, especially given my age, so I was asked several questions about that.
The most interesting part of the “verification” process was that she confirmed the countries I had visited. Instead of asking me questions, she read back some of the countries on the application. At first I was confused. She would say something like “so, you’ve been to Indonesia,” without asking a question. I simply said “yes,” and she paused waiting for me to say more.
So for the remaining countries she read me (that I suppose she found suspicious) I guess I quickly became the country’s tourism board, coming up with catchy phrases for why I had visited. “Thailand,” she said. I responded with “you can’t beat $5/hour foot massages.” “Indonesia?” I responded with “yep, the people in Bali are among the nicest I’ve met anywhere in the world.” I wasn’t sure what exactly she was looking for, though I guess I “passed.”
After the interview she took my picture and fingerprints, and then brought me over to a Global Entry kiosk to show me how it works. It was incredibly easy – you just place your passport in the machine until it scans, stand still looking at the camera, and place your fingers on the machine to verify fingerprints. Once that’s complete you answer basic customs questions and then they print out a receipt.
I can’t wait to use Global Entry, as it seems like a huge timesaver. The one issue is that I often travel with people internationally that don’t have Global Entry, so the downside will be that they still have to use the normal line, meaning I don’t save all that much time in those cases. Still, I travel internationally alone a ton too, so I figure after a few trips the program will have paid for itself.
In an ideal world (and I realize I’m dreaming here), I’d love to see them add a Global Entry companion immigration line so that the program is even more valuable. Hell, have membership tiers and charge extra for allowing one companion to have access to an “expedited line.”
Regardless, color me excited!
If you’re a regular at the TSA massage parlor, I’m sure you’ve heard that question once or twice before. After requesting a pat down (and a private one at that) you’re escorted to a private screening room and given the pat down.
The Transportation Security Officer explains what they’ll be doing to you (“I’ll be running my hand up your inner leg until I reach resistance” is no doubt my favorite part) and then asks whether there are any sensitive areas they should know about.
“Sensitive” is a pretty vague term, if you ask me. Obviously if you’re disabled, have a medical condition, or are bruised, you would state your situation. But as far as I’m concerned, asking if someone has “sensitive” areas is opening themselves up to a bit more information.
So, let me honestly ask, has anyone shared a “sensitive” area with a TSO that has made a private patdown even more uncomfortable?
I’m not suggesting anything, per se, but there are plenty of potential “sensitive areas” that I think it’s reasonable to share with a TSO… and I’m fairly certain the reaction would be priceless.
Anyone?
Via Yahoo News:
PHOENIX (AP) — Authorities say a Colorado woman who allegedly groped a female Transportation Security Administration agent at Phoenix’s international airport is facing a felony count of sexual abuse.
As wrong as it is, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m laughing uncontrollably right now…
Gotta love this CNN article about indicators that TSA’s Behavior Detection Officers look for when profiling passengers, including the following:
Arrogant complaining about airport security is one indicator Transportation Security Administration officers consider when looking for possible criminals and terrorists, CNN has learned exclusively. And, when combined with other behavioral indicators, it could result in a traveler facing additional scrutiny.
While I don’t claim to be a security expert, I can’t for the life of me figure out how complaining loudly in front of the TSA about the security process makes you more likely to be a criminal or terrorist. It always gets me “special” treatment, and that’s not what I’d want if I were hiding something. Wouldn’t a terrorist be more likely to try and blend in, and therefore not complain about the security process?
I guess the answers to my questions are top secret, classified government information.
This isn’t meant to be another tirade against the TSA, but I just can’t help but shriek at this video of a TSA agent giving a six year old girl a full body patdown:
I’ll refrain from saying anything beyond that…
Before anyone posts “lucky, how dare you discriminate against those with a disability,” hear me out.
I was flying out of Orlando this evening and was directed towards the full body scanner at the TSA checkpoint. As usual I refused and asked for a private pat down instead. After the agent yells “male assist,” a guy comes up to me who is missing an arm. Fair enough, there’s nothing wrong with that. I figured he would get assistance, as they always do, since private screenings require two agents.
When you get a private screening you’re not allowed to touch your bags until the screening is done for obvious reasons, though he carried all of my bags over to the private screening room. He put my laptop bag over his shoulder with the limb, and then clamped the bin with my Macbook between his limb and body, while carrying my 22” carry-on in the other hand. Even those without disabilities usually take two people to carry my stuff over, though this guy had it all. Unfortunately in the process, he placed my very old shoes on my very new Macbook Air, which I really didn’t appreciate. Then again, I didn’t want to be a douche and ask him to carry them separately, given that his hand was full.
We go to a screening room and a supervisor is called over to “observe” the screening, which is always done when requesting a private screening. When you get a pat down they always use gloves, though in this case, he could only wear one glove, again, for obvious reasons. The issue was, he used his limb to pat me down as well! It’s not that I have an issue with him using his limb, but rather that it didn’t have a glove on it, which is required. And I really don’t like people working a checkpoint touching me or any of my belongings without gloves, given how much stuff they touch on a daily basis. At the same time, what could I really say? “Could you put a glove on your limb?” or “Could you please not use your limb?” The guy was incredibly nice, though it was rather awkward as he swooped his limb between my legs and up to my crotch… really caused me to have to spread my legs wide.
Look, I’m all for the TSA hiring those with disabilities and this guy was especially friendly, but couldn’t they distribute labor a bit better? This guy would be much better off working the scanner or being on the other end of the metal detector or full body scanner, as those areas aren’t as physically challenging.
Not only did he delay me by taking more time than otherwise necessary (he worked at about half the pace), but he was touching me without a glove, which I’m never comfortable with (but I didn’t want to make the situation even more awkward), be it a hand or a limb. Beyond that, while he was incredibly nice, he repeatedly complained about his disability as he got up and down on his knee, having forgotten that he has one bad knee. So clearly he wasn’t enjoying it either.
Am I off base to expect all the contact someone has with me to be via gloves, and to maybe think they can make both of our lives easier by assigning him to a more practical position that isn’t as physical, given his disability?
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