As the full body scanners show up at more and more airports, it seems that some are planning a national opt-out day on November 24 — a day where it’s suggested that people refuse to go through the full body scanner and instead ask for a pat down.

While I refuse to go through the fully body scanner, I don’t see the point of a national opt-out day. I opt-out every time I fly. And if anything, doing this on one of the busiest travel days of the year is going to hurt travelers, and not the TSA. The TSA couldn’t care less whether you make your flight or not. And undoubtedly this will lead to even longer security lines and in turn more missed flights.

So while it sounds nice in theory, I’m not how practical this is.

Speaking of the full body scanners, I had a fun incident at TPA just a couple of days ago. As usual I was selected for the full body scanner, and I requested a pat down. In a nice enough way the agent asked me why I was refusing, so I was happy to answer — “I’m concerned about the radiation levels, I go through checkpoints 200 times a year,” I said. She responded with “well they might tell you that, but it’s not true, the radiation isn’t bad for you.” I smirked and couldn’t help but say “I didn’t know you guys were trained medical professionals.” She said “we actually get quite a bit of training in this stuff.”

Oy vey…

I realize I say that a lot, but it’s a crazy world out there. Though this story really takes the cake, in my opinion.

What do those two pictures have in common? Apparently the guy on the right is really the guy on the left in disguise. How do we know? Well, the guy on the left decided to disguise himself when leaving Hong Kong on an Air Canada flight bound for Vancouver. He disguised himself before the flight, and once in the air emerged from the bathroom as the guy on the left.

My favorite paragraph from the article is this:

“It is believed that the subject and the actual United States Citizen passenger (whose date of birth is 1955) performed a boarding pass swap, with the subject using an Aeroplan card as identification to board the flight,” the alert said.

First, the guy on the right is supposed to be 55??? Boy, people must be aging early nowadays. And second, how do you board an international flight with a frequent flyer card as identification?

So many questions, so few answers…

Yep, flying just got funner. Starting today, the TSA has “enhanced” (yes, in the same way the airlines use the term) the pat down procedure. I almost always get patted down at my home airport of TPA because we have the full body scanners, which many of us like to refer to as “nude-o-scopes,” because they leave little to the imagination. So instead you can opt for a full body pat down. It has always been thorough, though not overly-intrusive, in my opinion. They use the back of their hands to search your whole body, including using the back of their hands to pass around private parts.

As of today, the pat down involves the TSA people (I refuse to call them “agents”) using the front side of their hands to inspect private parts. For females that includes using the front of their hands to inspect bras, and for males it means using the front of their hands to inspect the groin area.

First of all, this is incredibly unnecessary. With the previous procedure you could already tell if there was a weapon in private areas (please, no jokes!), and even with the new procedure you likely couldn’t tell if there was powder or something else not as visible.

So you have two choices — have them see every part of your body, or have them feel every part of your body. And you have the same two choices for your kids, no matter how young.

As I said, I almost always get the pat down in TPA (let’s just say I don’t get along too well with the agents), so I’m not sure what my next move is. In the past I’ve always opted out of the full body scanner, but now I’m tempted to start asking for my pat down in private (which anyone is entitled to). It’s not that I’m a prude, I just want to send them a message. Then again, the TSA’s move to counter that would probably be to remove the option of getting a full body pat down.

Last week an ExpressJet pilot was apparently fed up with the security theater which is the TSA, and now his job is on the line over the incident.

First of all, the problem isn’t as the news report’s first sentence suggests:

A Tennessee pilot who says he’s tired of being manhandled by security agents is waiting to see if he will lose his job because he refused a full body scan.

He’s not possibly being fired because he refused to go through the full body scanner. He’s possibly being fired because after refusing to go through the scanner he refused a pat down which is required to go through security. Since he refused, he didn’t make it to work, and instead decided to go home.

Anyway, before we dig too deep into this story, I should mention that I’m about as anti-TSA as they get. We have these lovely full body scanners at my local airport (TPA), and I refuse to go through them every time, gladly submitting to a pat down (I actually find the massage to be quite soothing, at times). You see, I happen to think that most of the stuff the TSA does is for show, whether it be the liquids ban, shoe carnival, their “behavior detection officers,” or the flashlight game they seem to love to play with IDs. At the same time, I do believe that the full body scanner does, in theory, make us safer. I mean, c’mon, looking at someone naked will show you whether they’re hiding something or not! My issue with it, however, is that it’s way too intrusive. You don’t need to see someone’s private parts to figure out whether it’s safe for them to fly or not. I think pat downs work much better.

For me, the bigger issue is the screening pilots need to go through. I remember being in the security line at IAH a couple of years back behind a Northwest pilot that was commuting to DTW for work. He had “SSSS” on his boarding pass, which used to be the code for additional screening back before TSA’s SecureFlight program. I was amazed as they gave him a thorough pat down and searched his carry-on. The TSA doesn’t seem to realize that the biggest weapon the pilot has — the aircraft — is just waiting for him past security. If we don’t trust our pilots to get past security, how can we trust them to freely fly a million pound plane filled with fuel?

But anyway, I agree and disagree with the premise here. I wouldn’t be opposed to them somewhat relaxing the security requirements for crew, but at the same time I think there is some value in a pat down… not so much the full body scanner, though. I sympathize with the pilot, but at the same time, walking out on your job isn’t the solution.

Oh, the horror!

There’s an excellent Wall Street Journal article today by Scott McCartney discussing airlines rallying for air marshals to be seated at least partly in coach instead of mostly in first class. It’s a good read and has some interesting facts I wasn’t aware of.

Now it’s no secret that I find the air marshal program to be a total waste of taxpayer dollars. In theory it’s not necessarily a bad idea, but the wankers the government has flying around really aren’t an asset to our national security. Hell, I’ve witnessed air marshals bragging to their seatmates about how they’re air marshals. Brilliant! Actually, I feel less safe when air marshals are on a plane, because they stick out like soar thumbs (yes, you, with the Play Station portable, Hawaiian shirt, and bulge, while you’re not reclining your seat, choosing to drink water the whole flight, and having an odd familiarity with the crew, while seeming distant)

The motives of the airlines are clear — it’s expensive to give air marshals first class on any flight they want for free, especially as first class cabins continue to shrink. And it makes sense that they should be angry about that. It’s not like the airlines are making billions of dollars. Of course they won’t admit that, so instead they say this:

“Our concern is far less revenue and more that we have defenses appropriate to the threat,” said James May, chief executive of the Air Transport Association, the airline industry’s lobbying group. “We think there needs to be an even distribution, particularly when we have multiple agents on board.”

Right.

And of course the air marshals couldn’t care less about first class. It’s all about safety for them. Here’s their story:

Mr. Minerly says the practice of placing marshals in first class is essential in an attack in which seconds matter. “Our distinction isn’t for a free ride in a fluffy seat. It’s based on threat and tactical doctrines,” he said. In most cases, the marshal service designates which cabin marshals will fly in, Mr. Minerly said, with seating assigned to “maximize the effectiveness of the team.” Move “further and further back in the plane” and “it will take longer and longer to respond.”

I hate to even analyze this and take sides, because I’m convinced it’s time for the program to end. But let me try and be reasonable here. If you’re going to have air marshals on a flight, it makes sense to have one with easy access to the flight deck (so being seated in first class is fine). At the same time, most of the action is happening in coach, so it makes a LOT more sense to me that the others would ride in the back of the bus. I’ve been on a flight with four air marshals in first class, and couldn’t help but shake my head for the whole two hour flight. It’s pathetic. If you’re going to run this program, the more eyes and ears you can have throughout the cabin, the better. But that’s not the way to maximize comfort, of course…

As I blogged about a couple of days ago, nine people got kicked off a United flight from Washington Dulles to Tampa on Sunday night. No, it wasn’t me and eight mileage running friends that were complaining our nuts weren’t hot enough… sorry to disappoint.

Via The Washington Post:

A delegation of senior Pakistani military officials visiting the United States for a major defense conference headed home in protest Tuesday night after they said they were interrogated and rudely treated by security officials at Dulles International Airport.

The nine-member group of high-ranking Pakistani officers boarded United Airlines Flight 727 from Washington to Tampa late Sunday but were pulled off the plane after one of them “made a comment to a flight attendant,” said Mike Trevino, a United spokesman.

What did they say? “I hope this is my last flight,” or words to that effect. They were simply referring to the fact that they had a long travel day, but that apparently sparked enough fear for them to be detained for 2.5 hours without being allowed to contact their embassy or U.S. military officials.

We report, you decide.

(Tip of the hat to Matthew)

OK, this is sad and funny at the same time. A Canadian citizen was crossing the US/Canada border to go on a shopping trip in the US with his wife and decided to record the interaction.

Now it’s clear he had an agenda when he showed up at the border with a recording device, and at first I thought the US immigration offer was being very rude, but the second guy had the patience of a saint. It’s rare I’ll agree with the approach taken by US immigration officers, but in this case I will. The guy recording this is a douchebag and I’m betting his body language was even worse than his (verbal) attitude.

I’ve actually been quite happy with the ads on my blog as of late – many are for Hyatt’s “Big Welcome Back,” which I legitimately promote a million times a day. Then there are some that make me laugh. Take a look at the screenshot Gary took:

Ah, yes, an online course to get a career in homeland security. I’m guessing those that fail this still have a future with the TSA (assuming they don’t have multiple felonies).

With those kinds of ads I expect my ad revenue to be through the roof this month.

Ah, the TSA is being professional as always, aren’t they? Check out this NBC Miami article:

A TSA worker in Miami was arrested for aggravated battery after police say he attacked a colleague who’d made fun of his small genitalia after he walked through one of the new high-tech security scanners during a recent training session.

Rolando Negrin, 44, was busted for assault after things got ugly at Miami International Airport between Negrin and some of his fellow Transportation Security Administration workers on Tuesday.

For the record, that’s not why I refuse to go through the full body scanner…

On Saturday morning I was departing LAX terminal 7, and while waiting in line for my ID to be checked, two of the TSA’s wonderful behavior detection “officers” were making their way through the line. For those of you not familiar with the concept, here’s a description of the program from TSA blogger Bob:

Behavior analysis is based on the fear of being discovered. People who are trying to get away with something display signs of stress through involuntary physical and physiological behaviors. Whether someone’s trying to sneak through that excellent stone ground mustard they bought on vacation, a knife, or a bomb, behavior detection officers like me are trained to spot certain suspicious behaviors out of the crowd. Once we make our determination, we refer these passengers for additional screening or directly to law enforcement.

What does this really mean? Two guys who are qualified for the job simply because they don’t have a felony on their record take a half day course on spotting suspicious behavior and are thereby qualified to act as some sort of brilliant psychologist to determine when someone’s behavior is “suspicious.” In other words, as usual, our taxpayer dollars are being wasted. Instead of firing during a recession where air travel is down, the TSA instead chooses to make more work.

So what does this mean in practice? The “officer” asks the guy in front of me what the scissor symbol on his blazer represents. He asks me what my shirt means. I simply responded with “I don’t think that has anything to do with security,” and was quickly left alone. Boy, guess I got past him, since I had a bottle of water in my bag with at least four ounces in it. Who knows what I could have done with that!

So if you run into these idiots, don’t engage them. And if you feel like it, act nervous, bite your lips, and sweat profusely.

By the way, just to clarify, I wouldn’t be opposed to such a program if there were actually skilled behavior detection officers doing this, as opposed to unqualified people that have about three hours of job training.