Before I begin this entry, I want to state for the record that my desire to post this doesn’t come from some inner need to have a spotlight pointed on me.  I realize that there are countless memorials and accounts of the attacks of September 11, 2001.  I wish not for this entry to be considered more important, or more poignant than those who were directly effected by the loss of a loved one or someone close to them on that fateful day.  I only hope that sharing my experiences of that day and the days that followed will serve as a testament to honor the fallen and the brave souls who fought to stop what was happening…

My recollection of those events actually began late in the evening of September 10, 2001.  My partner and I had just wrapped up a family visit on vacation, and we were heading back to New York City, where we were both stationed at our airline.  Our flight to La Guardia was the last of the night, coming from Denver.  Strangely, there were very few passengers on our flight that evening and we found ourselves occupying our own rows, one directly behind the other.

When we made our decent into the NYC area, the captain informed us that we’d be coming into LGA on a direct heading, and that anyone on the left-side of the airplane would have a perfect view of Manhattan as we landed.  We moved over to the windows to watch the spectacle that is always New York City at night, and that night was no exception.

We passed over the Statue of Liberty and then made our way past the twin monoliths of the World Trade Center.  As we passed by, I recall the conversation I had with my partner:  how we had lived in the area for four years up to then, and had still never made it to the observation deck of the Twin Towers.  I remember making sort of a pact that we would make an attempt to visit that vantage point in the very near future.  It was that last time he and I ever saw those buildings intact…

We lived in Richmond Hill, which is a small suburb of Queens, approximately 9 miles (as the crow flies) from the WTC.  Sometimes, on a good, clear day, you could make out the silhouette of the Towers from the elevated train, just a block from our building.  It was always fun to see them jutting out from the horizon, and we often commented on how far apart they were from the Empire State Building, something you could definitely make out from the La Guardia Airport.

We had gone to bed late that night since our arrival was just before midnight, and it was nearly 1:30 a.m. before we found ourselves nestled into our bed, with our two cats lying across us on top of the covers.  We both fell sound asleep and what we dreamt of that night, I’ll never know…

Our slumber was rudely awakened to the obnoxious sound of the house phone, ringing impatiently.  I got up to answer the call and my younger sister was on the other end of the line, panicked.  Since I was still trying to shake the sleep from my brain, I didn’t quite grasp what she was so upset over.  “I am soooo glad you picked up!  Are you watching the news?”

“No…are you crazy?  I just woke up!”

“Go turn on your TV!!!  NOW!”

Reluctantly, I walked into the living room and turned my set on…I have been a news junky all of my life, so not surprisingly, the television was already tuned to CNN.  There on the screen sat the WTC, with smoke billowing from one of the towers.  I didn’t know what to make of it.

“Wow, that looks like quite a fire,” I said to her.

“The news says they think an airplane crashed into it!  That’s why I was calling you to see if you two were okay!” she replied.

“Well, yeah, we just got in late last night.  What makes them think this is a commercial jet?”

“That’s just what they were saying…that’s all I know.  I’m gonna hang up now…I’ll let mom and dad know you guys are alright, ok?”

“Sure,” I said and unconsciously hung up the phone.  I quickly went back into the bedroom and awakened my partner.  “Hey, you need to come take a look at this.  The news is reporting that a commercial jet crashed into the World Trade Center!”  A muffled “huh?” is what I got in return as I headed back into the living room to watch the events unfold.

As I listened to the ‘talking heads’ make commentary and speculation about what had happened, and as my other half walked into the room to see what I was yammering on about, it happened.  The most horrific thing I had ever witnessed up to that point in my life, and the moment everything in our lives changed.  We sat in silent horror as we watched the end of United Airlines Flight 175 disintegrate into the side of #2 World Trade Center.

A sudden numbness fell upon me.  At that very moment, I found myself in a state of suspended animation…I know what I saw, but my brain wasn’t processing it the way it should have.  All I could do was hold myself and listen to the continuing conjecture and supposition that the news anchors were spewing, constantly updating and trying to disseminate information as the event unfolded and as news reporters around the area were checking in.

Within minutes of the attacks, the video of the crashes were being repeated over and again, each time the images burning hurtful and damaging memories into my subconscious.  As reports of an additional plane being crashed into the Pentagon and  a fourth one missing and presumed lost in the lower part of Pennsylvania came in, I felt paralyzed…I wouldn’t move and I couldn’t either…I was a dry sponge, absorbing every tidbit and scrap of new information that came over the air.

Before long, the FAA reported that all planes in U.S. airspace were being grounded.  There were planes coming in from Asia and Europe that were diverted to various airports in Canada.  Later, the word came down that all airline traffic was suspended for five days until these things could be sorted out.  My partner and I were scheduled to fly during those days…we were told to stay home.

Later in the afternoon, the telephone rang again.  This time, it was an unexpected and worrisome call:  it was my nine year old son, calling from California.  He was crying and yet happy that he had finally been able to reach me on the phone.  He said that he had been trying for hours to get through, but the phone systems across the country were jammed.  It felt good to reassure him that I was okay and that he and his younger sister could rest easy this night, knowing that daddy was home and safe.  Many others would not have the same fate as I that night.

For three solid days and nights, I sat electrified to the couch, eating very little and saying very little.  One peculiar thing happened during this time at home.  A year earlier, we had adopted a Short-haired domestic grey Tabby cat named Chloe.  It was evident early on that she suffered from anxiety and separation issues, and that she had been somehow abused as a kitten.  Afraid of her own shadow, she would rarely sit in a lap, or nuzzle up close to either of us.  On the afternoon of Sept. 11th, however, she started doing something she had never done before, but to this day, she still does:  she hopped up onto my partner’s lap and began to nuzzle and ‘paw dance’ on his arm, purring deeply.  Amazingly, 9-11 affected even our cat!

Near the end of the third day of non-stop news coverage, the flood gates opened in my mind.  I suddenly turned off the TV and began sobbing; my body heaved with fear and sorrow and I couldn’t control the tears.  The reality of a life-changing event crashed down upon and around me and I had trouble breathing…it was like this never before experienced anxiety swept over me and I, for the very first time in my life, felt real fear.

On the fifth day following the attacks on the US, I was asked to work a flight to London out of JFK…the first one to London my airline was able to operate after the events that shut down our nation’s transportation system.  It had been difficult for the airline to find crew members who were willing to fly then, but somehow, I mustered up the courage to say ‘yes’ and I headed to the airport.

The flight over was surreal.  The passengers were quiet and somber.  Many wept the entire flight.  I found myself handing out tissues all across the Atlantic, and I caught myself weeping in the lavatory on several occasions, not wanting my passengers to feel any further anxiety than they already had.  The flight attendants performed there duties, albeit we were staffed at the minimum allowed by the FAA because no one else was emotionally ready to return to work.  Meal services went by rapidly, and many refused to eat as most had lost their appetites.

When I arrived at Heathrow, I was met by an airline supervisor, who was desperate to find crew members willing to work the flight the next day to San Francisco.  I said ‘yes’ without hesitating, but I knew that I was doing so without thought or consideration of my own fears and anxieties.  I was literally mentally numb and it would take months to fully get back to my typical, jovial self on board the airplane.

That first trip back on the line ended up stretching into a seven-day stint for me, flying back and forth between LHR and SFO with minimum rest in-between flights, the airlines were all so desperate to get people where they needed to be.  The time past like a flash to me; somehow I just really don’t remember much of the trip or the crew I worked with at all.

In the weeks that followed, I worked on flights that brought in fire fighters, policemen and Search & Rescue teams from around the world to New York City.  I’ll never forget the day I worked the flight from Los Angeles to JFK when the fire brigade from Disneyland came to New York to help in the rescue efforts.  The leader of the group honored my crew with tee-shirts and lapel pins of Mickey Mouse in a fireman’s outfit with a crash axe in hand, the official pin of the Disneyland Fire Department.  In honor of all the volunteers who helped during those trying and extremely difficult days that followed, I continue to wear “Mickey in Uniform” on my own flight attendant uniform.

Tomorrow, it will have been ten years since the nightmare began.  I will never be able to relate to those who perished on the four flights of 9-11-01 nor can I comprehend the sense of loss that those who lost anyone in the Trade Center or the Pentagon or Shanksville, including the police, firemen, search & rescue volunteers and even the cadaver dogs.

As the coverage on this event ramp up, I’m sure that many of the old feelings will return.  As an example, the NBC Nightly News reported a couple of days ago that the audio tapes from the emergency 911 calls and the air traffic controller audio tapes had just been released and they played some of that audio on the news.  A chill went down my spine and I could feel a sickness develop in my stomach again.  Had the report lasted a further 30 seconds, I would have turned off the television.  To this day, I have never been able to watch the film “United 93″ and I doubt I ever will.

There are events which are so pivotal, that we humans tend to reference our timelines by them: Where were you when Kennedy was shot?  Do you remember watching the first man on the moon?  What were you doing when Challenger exploded?  It’s common for us to do this.

For me, none of those events carved out such a deep knotch and such a deep emptiness like 9-11 did.  For many of you, I’m sure you feel the same.

My career was changed forever too.  Every year, new regulations, new restrictions and new warnings are passed down the pipeline for us.  We may never have the luxury of relaxed airline travel again, and perhaps an event such as this one should prevent us from letting our guard down, even for a second at this juncture.  As long as man continues to hate his fellow man, and use fear and death as a weapon against each other, our lives will never really find relief.

And that is something I wish we could all remember, and forget…

As the world prepares for the tenth anniversary of what most American’s consider history’s most horrific act of terrorism ever, it’s no wonder that the media circus is ramping-up with pretty much every angle and facet of analysis on what went wrong, what has happened since then and what continues happen in and around the airline industry. Speculation will run rampant and so-called expert ‘talking heads’ and pundits will raise the spectre of renewed rumblings of terrorist activity against the United States and the free enterprise world of commerce, one of the founding pillars of the freedoms that we now enjoy.

Since September 11, 2011, the world of airline travel has remained a focal point of safety and security. Last year, IATA (the International Air Transport Association) reported that over TWO and a HALF BILLION people were transported via airline travel alone. [1] In that time, there have been scattered breeches of security throughout the world, mostly due to ignorance on the part of the traveling public, or the lapse of judgement among a handful of those who are charged with maintaining that barrier of defense at airports worldwide. The human element of the equation in regards to personal safety and protections against acts of terror makes it impossible for 100% accuracy.

Anti-terror tactics that have been employed over the past ten years continue to evolve and many hard-working people spend countless hours and billions of dollars in resources to keep that high-level of security at our airports and on our aircraft daily. Yet for all the ingenuity and strategies that have and continue to be engaged and developed, the traveling public seems to take these efforts in stride. The security checkpoints and airport facilities of the United States have been on a high state of alert since the weeks following 9/11, and there has been no adjustment of that alert status, up or down, from their current levels to date. As is typical of all things “human,” when something becomes routine and tolerated to the point that little changes, we tend to ignore the signs and tell ourselves that nothing is wrong. We marginalize the discomfort and sometimes even cast disdain towards those whose job it is to keep those alert levels high and enforce the rules at the slightest infraction.

As one of those safety professionals aboard our aircraft, it is my duty to maintain order and remain vigilant, even though it may seem that my primary duties are more inline with serving beverages or seeing to the comfort of my passengers. On every flight, I witness how the majority of today’s airline travelers pay little or no attention to the safety demo at the beginning of the flight. They rarely take out the Safety Information Card and perform, what we in the business like to refer to as “the silent review” — simply taking a moment to orient oneself to their relative position in the plane, determine how far from the nearest exit they are, or how the emergency exit is opened and/or operated. Yet there are those among the media who continue to denigrate and marginalize our effectiveness or our methods to stay focused on protecting the public aboard our aircraft daily.

Earlier today, The Atlantic published an article, written by a Journalism student at Northwestern University, that was highly critical of those methods and those who are charged with enforcement of protecting the cockpit door in-flight. Entitled “How to Hijack an Airplane in 3 Seconds” by Abraham Tekippe [2], the piece comes off as an alarmist rant about the in-flight crew’s inability to protect the cockpit, were the door to be opened during a flight. Citing that would-be terrorists would seat themselves in the first few rows of the aircraft in order to over-power and over-take an open cockpit door in-flight due to the pilots’ need to use lavatory facilities or be served meals from the galley, Tekippe uses two reports of passenger complaints filed with the TSA (one in 2007 and one in 2010) to make his case (he fails to reference his source material or where he gained access to these complaints). He also blames the FAA’s lack of secondary barrier requirements by the airlines to defend the cockpit door, stating that the FAA’s reluctance to mandate these barriers is due to their restrictive cost factors (he alleges that each barrier costs between $5,000-$10,000 per aircraft, yet again citing no references).

He also blames the industry for minimizing the need for such access deterrents, and states that IATA believes that secondary barriers provide no enhancement to securing the cockpit door in-flight. In my own research on this topic, however, IATA seems to be concentrating their security efforts on keeping those who would bring down aircraft in the air off the planes completely, by enhancing and improving the secure checkpoints throughout the industry. Ken Dunlap, Global Director of Security and Travel Facilitation for IATA, contends that “passengers should be screened to a degree commensurate with what is known about them. The threat has become more dynamic. It’s not just bad objects that need detecting now.” [3]

While Federal Air Marshals (FAMs) are still in play around the system (the exact number of FAMs is classified), it would be nearly impossible to employ them on every single flight that launches daily in the US alone, let alone the world. For many travelers, just knowing that the possibility that Air Marshals could be on board their flight is enough to give them just the slightest peace-of-mind. The Federal Government and the Airline Industry have a complicated task on their hands, trying to balance the appropriate level of security with over-restrictive in-flight rules and regulations that make questionable their violation of personal civil rights . Somewhere in the middle of it all, the crew must maintain vigilance on every flight they work to ensure that everyone aboard arrives at their destination with the minimum amount of physical discomfort and emotional distress as can be achieved.

There are going to be those out there that are hyper-critical of the airlines’ role in this topic. I can assure readers of this column that most airlines consider in-flight safety and security to be their most important and crucial component. My co-workers strive to maintain that goal and take their roles as safety directors on-board quite seriously. Most of us realize that the constant barrage ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ aboard a flight is exhaustive to the average traveler. And for us, we are witness to the traveling public’s ever growing apathy toward these rules and regulations. It’s pointless to argue with the crew when it comes to these FARs (Federal Air Regulations) because it’s our responsibility to inform and enforce them.

In a few weeks, the world will remember what happened in the skies above Manhattan ten years ago. The question of security in airline travel will be discussed ‘ad nauseum.’ While discussing the topic of the possibility of a future terrorist attack is inevitable on almost any news source who chooses to cover it, one wonders if it will give travelers pause enough to understand the need for compliance with FARs when traveling? Who knows…but we will all be subject to the coverage of the event, and it will be up to us to take heed of those messages…or to ignore them.

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[1]Air Transport Association, Data & Analysis, “Annual Report: World Airlines,” June 29, 2011: http://tinyurl.com/3r8bvkh

[2]The Atlantic, “How to Hijack an Airplane in 3 Seconds,” Abraham Tekippe, Aug. 16, 2011: http://tinyurl.com/3bb7cd4

[3]IATA: “Security – Tunnel of Technology,” ‘Airlines International: Dec. 2010,’ http://tinyurl.com/3j9jlmx

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It amazes me what people will say, especially when they don’t think anyone else is listening.

Today, there was a flight that diverted to Salt Lake City due to a bomb scare on the plane.  I have personally been in this very same situation, as a crew member.  Flight Attendants and Pilots are fully trained in how to handle these types of situations.  I’m not so sure that the public is aware of this fact, and I really do believe that the everyday traveler must think that we just ‘wing-it’ when it comes to in-flight emergencies of any kind.

The fact is that there is a very good reason that Flight Attendants call themselves “Safety Professionals” and believe me it has NOTHING to do with whether or not we know how to serve a soft drink or mix your favorite adult beverage.  Granted, that’s what the general public sees, day in and day out, and frankly, I don’t mind so much.  I am glad that our day-to-day flying isn’t filled with bomb threats, terrorists and medical in-flight emergencies.  But we have no room for pause in these areas — we must remain on our guard and we are constantly reminded about how important that is.

Without the fast response of the in-flight crew, Richard Reid might have succeeded in his attempt to down an American Airlines plane just after 9/11.  Without a vigilent and alert crew, the “Underwear Bomber” might have made all Americans’ Christmas holidays quite bleak indeed, had he been sucessful.  We may look sweet and innocent to you all, but believe me, we are watching you!  (LOL)

On today’s diverted flight, I was quite impressed with how the gate agents and the management staff in Salt lake City was handling the situation.  As they could, they were re-booking passengers who were trying to make other connections, and for those that remained, while inconvenienced, they seemed to be pretty happy with how they were being dealt with.

But being as diverse and varied as the general public is, there always seems to be one or two in the crowd who can’t breathe without spewing some sort of vile comment.  I don’t really know what compels some people to say things, other than the fact that they have the right to express it (within certain boundaries — remember the “fire in the theatre” issue and the like are NOT protected rights of speech in the USA).

While I was waiting to board this flight to continue on to San Francisco, I started hearing this one passenger speaking to his seatmate, blatently critisizing the airline and the staff for his inconvenience that day.  While the seat mate was verbally acknowledging this talk, it didn’t seem that he was adding to what was being said.  Still, this guy ranted and raved about how poorly the airline is run, how weakly the staff is trained, how disorganized everyone was, and how angry he was that his “auto-updated” flight information on his blackberry simply stated that the reason for the delay was an “aircraft equipment delay.”

I’m thinking to myself, “REALLY?  You want your auto-alert to tell you that your flight is delayed due to BOMB SCARE?  or TERRORIST ACTIVITY?”  I truly don’t understand people and their need to express themselves, either to make themselves look good (usually in their own mind) or criticize others for things that are completely outside of their control!  One guy in the row in front finally piped in and said, “Well, I can’t believe that they diverted us to Salt Lake City…it would have been smarter to just take us all the way to San Francisco!”  Really?  With the threat of an explosive device on the aircraft and you just want to take it to the end.

The guy next to him said, “Well, they really didn’t have a choice, they are following protocol and this is what is necessary.”  The response was classic: “Well, if the plane was going to blow up anyways, might as well have taken it to California instead of f—ing UTAH!”

When I was growing up, my father used to tell us of an old saying he learned from his grandfather, who raised him and his brother and sister in the absence of his mother, who died while he was really young, and his father, who had abandoned the three of them and never returned.  And as I sat there listening to this garbage, those words rang in my ears and I sat back and smiled.  It simply says:

It is better to keep one’s mouth shut and appear to be ignorant, than to open it and remove all doubt.

Thanks Great Grandpa Letwinker!

Today was an extremely difficult day for me and my crew.

There seems to be an affinity between airline personnel and the military.  Many times, during a large deployment somewhere in the world, the military lacks the air power to transport all the personnel and equipment necessary, so the Armed Forces turns to the civil air carriers to take up the slack.  In airline lingo, they are known as MAC flights (Military Air Charters).

That relationship was galvanized after 9/11.  Over time, I have seen the young men and women in their camouflage uniforms come and go to their destinations–some going for their fifth or sixth tour of duty, perhaps others who will never return.  It is a gut-wrenching feeling to come to that realization, yet somehow, we civilians subconsciously separate ourselves from that reality and it gives us some convoluted peace of heart.

Many airline workers are former and currently-serving military personnel.  There is a camaraderie that lies, just underneath the skin of airline people that keeps our spirits uplifted, knowing that these brave souls are willing to pay the ultimate toll to defend the freedoms and basic human rights that this country was founded upon.  It is an all-volunteer force that has answered the call to arms and are given the mantle of protectors of the greatest experiment of human democracy.

I know and understand a little of what their families must feel and go through.  During the Vietnam Conflict, my Marine Corps father had served several tours of duty in the Pacific Rim.  His calling in the Corps never did require him to the shores of East-Indo China or Southeast Asia, but nevertheless, just his being away during that skirmish was enough to feel relief when we were allowed an occasional treat getting to speak with dad over the HAM radio, trying to remember to say “over” through our tears and missing him terribly.

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, 9/11/01 is now past eight and a half years.  Those wounds will never fully heal, especially to those in the airline industry.  The scar is deep and horrific for us and some of us wear it close to the surface, some prominently on our sleeves.  So it takes very little prompting to bring a gusher of emotion, completely exposed and wondering if the sacrifice being made isn’t too great, the price too high or the cost to our military families unrecoverable.

To me, the answer still remains “NO” but as these two wars on the other side of the world continue to drone on, my heart feels ever more scarred from the losses.  I will never lose my faith and trust in our military’s mission and their abilities…we military brats come from tempered steel, forged by our family’s devotion to God, Country and Honor.  But every man has a breaking point and I wonder what my limit is.

Today, on Valentines Day, as I returned to my home base, I was saddened to learn that a young mother, with her 2-year old son in tow, and mother at her side, was traveling with us today who had just lost her husband in combat in Pakistan.  Our customer service representatives removed them from our economy cabin and lovingly offered them seats in our first class.  As I introduced myself to them both, I could feel that awful, choking feeling in the bottom of my throat and I struggled to clear my mind and find any sort of words of comfort that could express those feelings.  “From the depths of my soul, I want to thank you for your sacrifice, and I hope that your journey with us will help you find a little solace and comfort for a few hours.”

The young mother looked as though hours of tears had eroded lines into her beautiful visage, yet I could tell she was trying desperately to be strong for her son, who could not possibly comprehend the loss he had just been dealt.  As I shared the situation with my galley assistant, I could see the pain wash over her face and she later told me that she found the tears welling up within her, almost uncontrollably and inexplicably.  “I don’t know why I am so emotional over this, I just can’t control for some reason.”

I knew what it was.  It went right back to those awful images that are forever seared in our minds as maniacal religious extremists took control of four U.S. flagged airliners and instantly transformed them into weapons; weapons that would unleash such chaos as has probably never been witnessed upon this land before.  All in the name of a god and religion that few of us had ever before heard about nor understood.  It was the pain of loss of a way of life that we shall never see again, where freedom is now tempered with suspicion and questioning.

My galley flight attendant found herself drawn to this young family and tears flowed again as we discovered that she was now expecting their second child in a few months.  The angst we felt for these people was almost unbearable for us and we felt compelled to reach out to them and make them a part of our family.

In reality, they ARE part of our family.  The continued and sustained loss of life that our soldiers and their families are taking, with little or no complaint, falls hard upon my psyche and gives me pause to find solace in the knowledge that their sacrifices are not in vain.

And ever since those great men and women have gone to the farthest reaches to maintain our freedoms, I NEVER pass up a moment, one by one, to thank them all for their service–in person, out loud and without fear…THAT is MY duty!

God bless the men and women of the U.S. Armed Forces.