A Wall Street Journal Middle Seat column illustrated how airlines can make a good thing bad — flipping the proverb to turn a silk purse into a sow’s ear.

In March, American Airlines restarted their program to replace their old gas-guzzling MD-80’s with sparkling new Boeing 737-800’s.  As someone who earned 2+ million American AAdvantage miles, I’ve spent a lot of time in those MD-80’s and I just despise them.  The dark blue interior and short ceiling gives them a cave-like aura, and the short overhead bin on the 2-seat side has led to many pitched battles for carry-on space.  So when I heard that AA is deploying the new 737’s at O’Hare, I started thinking about shifting some of my flying time from United to American.

Until, that is, I read a bit further and saw that American was cramming 2 more rows into the new 737’s for a total seat count of 160 at a 31-inch seat pitch.  Seat Pitch is the distance between two rows of seats and is a shorthand for legroom. I’m not that big of a guy (6 ft, 34-inch waist) and  I feel like I’m shoehorning myself into Southwest’s  seat with a 32-inch pitch.  There’s just no way I’m voluntarily doing a 31-inch seat pitch.

Many commentators say that passengers have brought this upon themselves by making travel choices solely on price.  It’s an oft-repeated claim, but it doesn’t hold up to scrutiny — at least for frequent fliers.  Five years ago, American had a completely different strategy, differentiating themselves with more leg room — a spacious 34-inch seat pitch.  I flew American every time I could — even when it meant paying a higher price — because, even in those cave-like MD-80’s, it was the most comfortable seat in the air.  Today, one of the main reasons I’m a heavy United Airlines flier is their Economy Plus section, with its 35-36-inch seat pitch in the front half of the plane.  I get Economy Plus seating for free because of my Mileage Plus status, but I know many non-status fliers who gladly pay $350/year for an Economy Plus annual subscription.

While Ryanair’s CEO continues to insist that he’s serious about putting pay toilets in his planes, I expect American’s CEO will soon announce the sale of $15 shoehorns to get in and out of those new seats.

“What do tech-savvy frequent flyers want most? The desire to stay connected via Wi-Fi topped the technology requests, according to a new study conducted by American Airlines and HP,” says an HP press release from last week.  The online survey conducted by American Airlines reports that “47 percent of business travelers surveyed indicated Wi-Fi was the most important airport amenity, outscoring basic travels needs such as food by nearly 30 percentage points” — a not-so-surprising coincidence given AA’s recent announcement of their roll-out of the Gogo inflight Internet service.

The survey was obviously constructed to provide publicity around the Gogo roll-out, but I have to disagree with two of the key findings.  First, given the dire state of on-board food, I rate airport food availability much higher than WiFi — especially if I’m getting on a flight heading to or from the West Coast.  Between my BlackBerry and iPhone, I can handle almost all my communication needs with cellular data.  But having to make a meal from one of those $6 snack boxes?  That’s a crisis in the making.

The other finding I take issue with is their claim that “work efficiency drops dramatically in the air” for lack of voice and data network connectivity.  On the contrary, I think my work efficiency increases without Outlook pinging me with a new e-mail or TweetDeck beeping with the latest tweet or my iPhone vibrating with a new text message or a colleague asking a quick question on IM or somebody calling me to ask how things are going….  I look forward to my 4-hours of enforced solitude on my flights between Chicago and San Francisco.  I get an amazing amount of reading and writing done.  Thank God that Gogo wants to charge $13/flight for their service.  If it was free, I’d never get anything done.

The International Air Transport Association reported earlier this month that premium ticket purchases fell 21% globally in February — which follows January’s decline of 16.7%.  Part of the drop is due to falling air traffic, but a good bit of it is from tighter corporate travel policies that are pushing mid-level executives to the back of the plane.  Not good for the airlines because, according to one analyst, it can take up to 10 coach fliers to replace the revenue of one business-class flier.  

The question that no one seems to want to ask is — is a seat in the business-class cabin worth a 10x price premium?  I flew business class on the three international legs of my recent trip between to Johannesburg, South Africa — South Africa Airlines on the outbound New York-to-Johannesburg leg, and then returned on Lufthansa from Johannesburg to Frankfurt, and United from Frankfurt to Chicago.  It’s a long trip, and so should highlight the value of business class.  But for me, it didn’t — it just reinforced the question.

None of these flights were particularly memorable — the service was marginal, the food was at best just OK, though the wine selection wasn’t bad (SAA was the best).  The big difference was the seat reclines — full flat on SAA, almost flat on Lufthansa, and Lazy-Boy recline on United — which certainly made for a much better night’s sleep than the 3-4 inches of recline provided in coach.  So, the $5-7,000 premium is really about a shorter check-in line, 3-4 free glasses of wine, and a night’s sleep.  Can you justify that in these economic times?  The airlines certainly hope so.

I travel frequently through Denver International Airport (DEN) to visit family and to ski.  From this first-hand experience, I’ve always believed that the DEN TSA crew is among the nation’s worst.  According to an internal TSA report, a key reason is the local TSA management.  Denver’s NBC affiliate obtained a copy of the report and ran an investigative segment on last night’s 10pm news.  The internal report labeled the DEN TSA management team “retaliatory,” “inconsistent,” “lack integrity” and “antagonist.”

Former screeners claim that the hostile atmosphere detracts TSA employees from effectively screening passengers and luggage.  One current screener who asked not to be identified said “The culture is one that really promotes a lot of underhanded, retaliatory action from people and doesn’t really promote hard work and ethical behavior.” No wonder the TSA is at the bottom (220 out of 222) of the latest Best Places to Work in the Federal Government rankings.  Next time I get hassled at Denver, I’ll try not to take it personally — apparently it’s just the TSA way.

The two reasons most frequent travelers invest in a frequent flyer programs — status perks (e.g., free upgrades, pre-boarding) and free trips.  While comparing status perks between programs is pretty straight-forward — most airlines proudly list every status perk, the number of seats that can be booked with miles seems a closely guarded secret, making comparisons between frequent flyer programs difficult.

IdeaWorks, a travel consultancy led by ex-Midwest Airlines executives, took a shot at clearing away just a bit of the smoke by generating some real comparitive data on mileage seat availability.  Looking at the popular transatlantic awards, IdeaWorks “made 6,400 booking queries at the websites of five US-based airlines and five Europe-based airlines during the latter half of January 2009.”  That’s either some good web code or a lot of keyboard banging.

The results?  Iberia, the Spanish carrier, took top honors, offering reward seats for 83% of IdeaWork’s booking attempts.  American Airlines was the best US carrier at 58%, which earned it 4th place in the standings.  Indeed, the oneworld alliance took 3 of the top 4 spots.  The worst was no surprise — US Airways at a Scrooge-like 4% reward seat availability.  The full results are available here.

When I used to work in Detroit’s Renaissance Center, international cellular calls would occasionally appear on my bill.  After way too many calls to AT&T, I finally figured out that whenever I used a certain conference room in Tower 600, my phone would grab the cell tower directly across the Detroit River in Windsor, Ontario.

However, my hassles were nothing compared to a fellow Chicagoan who received a $28,067.31 bill after watching the Chicago Bears-Detroit Lions football game on his PC through his AT&T wireless data card. In the Chicago Sun-Times story, Wayne Burdick said “I was in Miami on Nov. 2 getting ready to go on a Caribbean cruise. I wanted to catch the Bears game before we left port. It was 1 p.m. Florida time. The Bears game was starting. The ship was not leaving Miami until 4 p.m., so I slid in my wireless card and brought up my Slingbox and watched the game on my computer.”

It appears that Burdick’s wireless card associated with the cruise ship’s microcell, which connected to the Internet through a satellite link and billed at international roaming rates.  Even after providing proof that the ship hadn’t left the dock,  the best offer he could get on his own from AT&T was a reduction to $6,000 — still a good bit more than the $220 he normally pays for his unlimited data plan.  When Burdick got The Sun-Times Fixer to shine some media light on the problem, AT&T relented.

As more and more portable devices seamlessly link to cellular data networks, travelers who are even close to an international border need to watch out.

I work very hard not to take out my frustrations with the airlines on the employees — those folks are usually just trying to do their jobs; just trying to get through to the end of the day like the rest of us. Others aren’t so considerate. Flying back from San Francisco last week, the guy next to me at the ticket counter asked the ticket agent at least a half-dozen times to “show me some love” after she told him she couldn’t upgrade his Chicago-London leg. I was impressed by her patience, keeping her cool long after I was ready to tell him to give it up.

However, the gang at Gadling has posted a video of a passenger who refuses to hold it in. Denied boarding on a Cathay Pacific Hong Kong-to-San Francisco flight because she arrived at the gate after the plane door had closed, she has no qualms about putting her dismay on full display.  Here’s the URL to the video on the YouTube site.

I don’t mean to pile on United Airlines, but they do bring it on themselves sometimes. The latest TravelCommons podcast talks about how the “friendly skies” of United Airlines have become a bit thread worn — duct tape holding together armrests, seat backs that can’t stay up (which was my experience again on my Monday flight from ORD to SFO). Not surprising since United is the only major US airline without any current orders placed for new aircraft.

Two new news stories illustrate United’s slide. Scanning the front page of yesterday’s Chicago Tribune while sitting forward in my auto-recline seat, I saw an article about a women whose luggage was burned by United.

As Shannon Tadel waited in the Syracuse, N.Y., airport for her flight back to Chicago on Dec. 1, a United Airlines employee approached her and asked if he could speak to her privately.

“He said, ‘Your luggage has been set on fire,’” Tadel recounted later. “I kind of chuckled at him because it was so unbelievable. I was like, ‘Um, OK.’”The employee explained that her bag, containing most of her wardrobe, had been placed too close to the exhaust of a belt loader used to deliver bags to the cargo hold. Someone turned on the equipment and, voila, luggage flambe.

A dumbfounded Tadel boarded the plane, not quite sure what to do. Moments later, the pilot summoned her to the cockpit.

“He said, ‘Do you see that over there? That’s your luggage,’” Tadel recalled.

She looked out the plane’s window and saw a man with a hose and a big plume of smoke.

Tadel says she filed a claim on December 4 and didn’t receive a check from United until last week — after she got the Tribune’s What’s Your Problem columnist involved.

And then comes the story of United’s announcement yesterday that they are closing their complaints call center, telling customers to send a letter or an e-mail instead. United said the reason for this move is to improve customer satisfaction — “We did a lot of research, we looked into it, and people who email or write us are more satisfied with our responses,” said United spokesperson Robin Urbanski. But this is also a cost-cutting move — managing written inquiries is easier and costs less than taking phone calls.

It’s also another push toward self-service — putting the burden of writing up the issue/complaint on the customer rather than having an United employee take if from a phone conversation. In TravelCommons #71, I said “The duct tape holding together the tatty skies are the employees,” that in spite of all the management mistakes, most of the United employees are doing a good job in serving their customers. Yet this latest move by United continues a trend of separating customers from employees — book your tickets on-line, use a kiosk to check in, and now send an e-mail if you have a problem. I can’t wait until they try to replace flight attendants with vending machines.

In past TravelCommons episodes, we’ve talked about how important it is for a frequent traveler to find good restaurants that welcome a single diner.  In spite of a former colleague’s advice to “never eat alone“, I often find myself with nothing but the USA Today as a dining partner.  Sure, I could dine in the hotel bar, but I can only eat just so many Cobb salads and watch just so many re-runs of ESPN SportsCenter.  Here are 4 recommendations to eating alone in your hotel room.

• Monk’s Cafe - 16th and Spruce Sts, Philadelphia - I traveled to Brussels on a regular basis in the early ’90’s and developed a taste/passion/weakness for Belgian beer.  Monk’s Cafe in Center City Philly has the best selection of Belgian beers I’ve seen anywhere.  Though I hear they have a great burger, I’ve never been able to get past the moules frites (mussels and fries), the national dish of Belgium.  The back bar has a bit more elbow room than the front bar, but I’ve always gotten friendly and knowledgeable service at both.
• Avec - 615 W Randolph, Chicago - No, I don’t eat alone in my home town.  But if I had to, I’d be a regular at this West Loop restaurant.  They have a good selection of Portuguese wines — not always an easy find — and “small plates” menu focused on Mediterranean flavors.  I like to sit about 2/3rd’s down the bar in front of the wood burning oven and watch the chefs do their thing — much more interesting than any ESPN-blaring plasma screen.  I get a large order of the salumi plate, a selection of 5 sausages cured in the fridge behind the bar, and then a vegetable dish to assuage my guilt.
• Sushi Sam’s - 281 E 3rd Ave, San Mateo, CA - Sushi restaurants seem to be second only to hotel sports bars as the default hangout for many travelers — trading high cholesterol for mercury poisoning.  However, when I’m in the Bay Area running up and down the 101, I always end up at the sushi bar ordering up the omakase sashimi — the chef’s choice.  It’s not cheap, but Sam serves up a selection of fish and preparations I rarely see at other sushi joints.
• Clyde Common - SW 10th and Stark, Portland -This recommendation may violate my rules — Clyde Common seems to be the restaurant for the Ace Hotel — but the great food and communal table seating wins it a recommendation for a dining-alone traveler.  The menu is probably the most adventurous of my four recommendations, but a good choice if you’re willing to color outside the lines a bit — grilled rabbit,  salt cod, ravioli with beef heart.

Autumn is the only time I willingly book a window seat. Today’s approach into Newark had us flying over the Delaware Water Gap on a clear sunny day. The leaves are beginning to change — I saw dots of yellow and orange and red bursting out of a field of green. It made me reach back for into some old neurons for the word “pointillism“, which I learned on a grade-school field trip to the Art Institute of Chicago standing in front of Seurat’s “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte“.

I don’t take the window on every Fall flight. It’s only a Northeast/Upper Midwest thing. You need maples for those vibrant colors. The oaks down South are more brown than bright. And the tree breaks that Plains farmers plant between their crop fields aren’t wide enough, aren’t broad enough to fill your field of view with color.

Even in the Northeast and Upper Midwest, not every airport serves up the colors. I’ll always take a window flying in and out of White Plains/Westchester County (HPN) and Detroit (DTW). However, the eastern approaches into Milwaukee and Chicago over Lake Michigan — usually among my favorites — don’t do anything for me in Autumn. It’s often said that Fall colors are Nature’s way of paying us for the dreariness of Winter. For those of us flying, perhaps it’s a way to pay us forward for the snow delays we know we’ll start living through after those leaves fall.