Part 1/2: Prologue

Part 1: New York LaGuardia (LGA) to Washington National on US Airways

Part 2: Washington Dulles (IAD) to Frankfurt (FRA) on United

Part 3: FRA – Vienna (VIE) – Skopje (SKP) on Austrian

Part 4: Arrival in Skopje, and Day 1 in Skopje

Part 5: Day 2 in Skopje

Part 6: A bit more Skopje

Part 7: Daytrip to Pristina, Kosovo

Part 8: SKP – Zagreb (ZAG) – VIE on Croatian Airlines

Part 9: VIE – Erbil, Iraq (EBL) on Austrian

Part 10: Erbil, Iraq

Part 11: EBL – VIE on Austrian

Part 12: Hilton Vienna Stadtpark

Part 13: VIE – Zurich (ZRH) – JFK on Swiss

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Part 3: FRA – Vienna (VIE) – Skopje (SKP) on Austrian

Frankfurt’s airport is kind of the playground bully of airports: designed to intimidate, mock, and humiliate the traveler with its bizarre layout, endless tunnels and hallways, and utterly befuddling passages between various sections of the airport. Until my arrival at FRA that morning, I had always thought I had stood up the bully very well, treating the travails of making a transfer at FRA as simply part of travel fun, and perhaps, as its own cry for help.

Needless to say, this time, the bully won. It finally got me, knocking me over, snapping my glasses in two, and stealing my lunch Euros. Though I feel as if I have made many, many Star Alliance FRA transfers over the years, this time, I managed to get myself astonishingly lost within the bowels of the terminal. I’m not quite sure how it happened, but I blame the famous United Arrivals Suite invitation for leading me asunder.

Remember the Arrivals Suite invitation in the previous section of the trip report? For those who are unfamiliar, the Arrivals Suite is type of lounge for First, (non-discounted) Biz passengers, and Global Services members upon landing, one can have a shower and a piece of refrigerator taste laden pound cake, and ready to face the world after a long flight.

And, after stepping off my United flight from IAD, into the usual frenetic, supercharged atmosphere of FRA, by golly, I needed a shower. Unfortunately, the Arrivals Suite card provided no details of where exactly said suite was located, and, after I stepped off the airplane, I couldn’t find any signs, either.

I headed to a transfer desk and showed a Lufthansa representative the card, hoping he would know where to find it. His only advice was to go use the showers in Lufthansa’s Senator lounges. Okay, not quite what I asked, buddy. I got no clear answers. Deciding to do a bit of sleuthing, I began to proceed out, based on the fact that the Arrivals Suite at SFO is located near baggage claim, directly after exiting the terminal. Big mistake. I ended up in some bunker-like baggage claim area, dingy, noisy, and under construction. There certainly existed no Arrivals Suite there. Knowing my limited time until I would have to catch my connection to Vienna, I hustled over the the baggage claim desks, and asked a Lufthansa employee. They hadn’t the foggiest idea, except they soon snapped into action, made some phone calls, and then, very kindly, wrote out a full set of directions, informing me that there was no specific “Arrivals Suite” but, instead, the showers were located within the Red Carpet Club. Ahhhhh. Gotcha. Man, would it have been so difficult for United to print the damn location on the invitation? It would’ve saved me heaps of tribulations.

With time growing ever-shorter, I busted a move up into the arrivals area, and up into the ticketing area. My instructions, from the wonderful Lufthansa people, were to head to the D gates. I underwent the security check to the D gates with relatively good graces, then sped-walked down a network of perpendicular hallways. I could not find the RCC anywhere. Desperate for a shower, I decided to head back to the Senator lounge, praying that I wouldn’t encounter the famously long lines for the shower. At passport control for the C gates, the agent berated me that my flight did not actually depart from this specific area of the airport. I told me I just wanted to use the Senator lounge. He responded, with an ominous hint in his voice, that I would be leaving the Schengen area and would have to reclear security. Great! Just let me through! I found my way up the escalators, and into the Senator lounge, where, I encountered, just as I had feared, a great number of people signed up before me to use the shower.

Fuck it, I thought, and this time, asked the Lufthansa agent at the front desk where I could find the RCC. Of course, with my epic good fortune, she told me it was at the D-gates, just as the prior employees had said. Great. How long would it take to walk there? “Oh, about 20 minutes,” she mused. “It depends on how fast you walk.” With now only about one hour to go before my flight, I motored the hell out of there, passed another checkpoint, walked for about ten minutes, until, stuffed away in a dingy corner, next to a janitor’s closet, I found the entrance to the RCC. I was pleased to find, upon entering, that there was no line for the showers.

The showers in the FRA RCC are certainly not as sumptuous as the showers at SFO. In fact, they seem, just like the RCC itself, a bit dirty, a bit dingy, and even a bit sketchy – a bathroom in which, perhaps, you might want to wear flip flops. I had a nice shower, though, took a peek at the food options, none of which were appetizing, and had to laugh when I asked to use the internet, I was handed a T-Mobile card with a retail value of eight Euros that provided 15 minutes of internet. For the 30 minutes, or so, I had before my flight, it just didn’t seem worth it to hang out. I walked back to the C gates, having to head through security yet again, and made another entrance to the Senator lounge for a quick breakfast. (I did not take pictures of the Senator lounge on this particular visit, but for those who would like to see pictures, or would like to hear me heap adulation on the Senator lounge, check out this section of my prior trip report for me information). I only stayed for a bit, and soon made my way to the B gates for (why the fuck not!) another security screening. Total security checks in that hour and half in Frankfurt? Five. Oh, and, there would’ve been plenty of time to take a shower in the Senator lounge had I waited. But, on the plus side, I will never, ever, ever forget the location of the Red Carpet Club at FRA.

Austrian Airlines Flight 122
September 3, 2009
FRA – VIE
Departure: 11.10am
Arrival: 12.45pm
Equipment: Airbus A320
Seat: 4A
Class: Business

As is the custom to any visit to FRA, one of your flights must board from a remote stand. You know – when the airplane is parked at some god foresaken patch of tarmac miles away from the terminal, and all passengers are transported to the door by bus, but not before all passengers push their way to the bus like refugees during a forced evacuation only to sit for fifteen minutes before the driver decides to head to the airplane. Of course, I must fully concede, with however irritating the concept of the remote parking stand is, I always enjoy the close-up view of flightline operations, and boarding through airstairs. It makes me feel as if I’m an important dignitary, or a member of The Beatles, boarding my private airplane with throngs of screaming fans barely held back by policeman. Sometimes, I’ll get the urge to turn around and wave to the crowd, but am quickly stopped when the man behind me “accidentally” shoves his rollarboard into my Achilles tendons and tells me if I don’t get moving and know what’s good for me, he’s going to push me into the engine cowling. It was a swift drive to the airplane, where we disembarked to the piquant whine of the Airbus’ APU, and a still-wet tarmac from that morning’s rain.

Once aboard, I was greeted by a very friendly purser. Once seated, I was welcomed once again by an extremely friendly flight attendant, who, in the brilliant red Austrian Airlines uniform, possessed formidable pantylines, which created a titillating bas-relief of some underwear that spectacular transcended any sort of standard design principles for undergarments. Goodness gracious. I have only ever seen such topography in geology textbooks. As it would turn out, this crew would be perhaps the friendliest I have ever experienced on an airplane. Often, as travelers, I feel that we’re subjected to a lot of false congeniality (and a lot of lack of congeniality, too, for that matter!)  and fake pleasantries couched in the some name of customer service. I felt this crew fractured all of the feigned obsequiousness, and really, (and forgive me lack of eloquence here), gave a damn. Even before takeoff, the crew worked assiduously to ensure that passengers were even content with their reading material. I declined the offer of a newspaper, and one flight attendant (the one with the panty lines worthy of an archeological exploration) even asked if I’d rather have a copy of Newsweek or The Economist. What an airline. I liked Austrian immediately. Even their seats, covered in vibrant green, with various colors of antimacassar in economy class, made the cabin appear inviting and friendly. Even the safety video is spiced with a bit of humor at the opening and closing with a little physical comedy, featuring a computer-graphics man running into a sign that reads “Safety on Board,” and the plane leaving him behind at the end of the video. None of the “it’s our pleasure to have you aboard” lies spat by American airlines.

Once airborne, the cabin crew began serving lunch. I was quite looking forward to sampling the fare on board, knowing it was catered by my heroes at Do&Co. I raved ad naseum about the Do&Co meals aboard Turkish Airlines in my previous trip report, and this time – goodness gracious, was not disappointed. I will say, with utter confidence, and absolute sincerity, there is no finer food in the air. It actually tastes delicious, when compared with food on the ground, not the lowered expectations of airline food. Do&Co’s success stems from their ability to make airline food fresh, classy, and prepared from quality ingredients, without attempting to make it too fancy, or pretentious. Other airlines, especially on their longhaul segments, attempt to make their food excessively fancy for the air, which results in a meal that is acceptable, but ultimately, quite unremarkable. Not Do&Co. Their philosophy and preparation truly work, and result in actually restaurant quality food in the air, that’s even, uh, what’s that word – healthful. Even on this short intra-Europe flight, we were served a wonderfully tasty collection of antipasti – hummus, cheese, roasted red pepper, grilled zucchini, eggplant salad, roast beef (although, I don’t really like roast beef)  – with a grilled chicken salad, and a slice of apricot ricotta cake for dessert. Absolutely heavenly. One of the finest meals I have ever had in the air.

After lunch, I read until we we touched down on-time in Vienna, and rolled towards the gate.

This was my first time at Vienna’s airport. Immediately, its setup reminded me of Berlin Tegel – a mostly round airport where each gate has its own security check. I only had a bit of time before my connection to Skopje, and decided to check out the Senator lounge.

I soon discovered that the Vienna Senator lounges are some of the nicest and most-well equipped lounges in the world. They’re not big, yet are not crowded, and have plenty of available seating. The food and beverage selection is vast, with hot and cold options, and a wide array of beverages. There is free wireless throughout. The lounge is also very nicely decorated, with subtle accents, and modern furniture, a nice break of the stodgy chairs and sidetables of domestic lounges in the United States. I only stayed for a quick beverage, and to check my e-mail, and then broke for the gate for my ongoing flight to Skopje.

Boarding was in full swing when I reached the gate.

Austrian Airlines Flight 779
September 3, 2009
VIE – SKP
Departure: 1.55pm
Arrival: 3.35pm
Equipment: Airbus A320
Seat: 3F
Class: Business

Sadly, the crew on this flight did not appear as warm and friendly as the previous flight. Boarding proceeded quickly, and soon we were buttoning up, and pushing off the gate.

After takeoff, the purser began serving food. Though the meal was not the spectacular affair of the previous, shorter, flight, the meal was still prepared by friends at Do&Co, consisting of a sandwich, chips, and chocolate mousse. I wonder, though, if the meal was actually an economy class meal – simply because it was encased in a cardboard housing. Not a problem, though – the sandwich was simply wonderful – with cheese, sundried tomatoes, and arugula. It really made me wonder – how difficult would it be for when US-based airlines make their meal rounds, whether food is complementary or for sale, to serving something akin to the meal on this flight? Can we make a departure from processed, salty, sodium-nitrate filled artificial crap and serve something as healthful, fresh, and flavorful as this sandwich? I truly wonder how difficult that would be – and then, I tremble for the state of airline food in the United States.

I read and looked out the window for the remainder of the flight, my head beginning to spin a bit from the impending crush of jetlag. I almost succumbed to a quick nap, but forced myself to stay awake, and soon, on approach into Skopje, was greeted with stunning views as we descended into the valley. As the airplane neared the runway, we became ensconced in verdant mountains – absolutely beautiful.

As the airplane touched the earth, and we rolled towards the terminal building, it was only then I realized just how little I knew of Skopje, remembered I had no hotel reservation, and was completely unsure as to how to get from the airport to the city.