N.B.: As some astute folks pointed out in the comments, I mistakenly referenced methicillin-resistant bacteria as an incurable infection – buttttt, meant vancomycin-resistant bacteria. Thanks so much to all the folks that caught it! -G.R.

This post from our best friend forever, His Eminence Gary Leff, keeper of the holy scriptures of View From the Wing, is a few days old, but really deserves a closer inspection. In summary, he points to another blog, Through the Lens, written by a flight attendant, and a particular post detailing her routine when entering a hotel room, and, like most items on Leff’s tabernacle of financial wisdom and weaving the louche into your everyday life with an understated yet simultaneously supercilious air, he offers his commendation.

Essentially, this flight attendant, named Megan, details how whenever she enters a hotel room, she, among the litany of preventative meaures:

-Never places any bag or suitcase on the floor of the room;

-Only walks around her room in socks or flip-flops;

-Inspects the beds for bedbugs;

-If said bed is free of bedbugs, never touches the comforter;

-Disinfects the remote control; and

-Never uses the coffee maker or glassware.

Wow, what is Megan doing? Entering a goddamn biohazard level four laboratory at the fucking CDC? These, dear friends, perhaps, with the exception of checking for bedbugs (which, as I know from my junior year of college entomology class, are difficult to see with the naked eye, being, oh, a few millimeters in diameter) , are utterly ludicrous, alarmist, and downright delusional tips. I honestly shake my head at anyone who can sincerely advise people to inspect their hotel rooms in such a manner, and shudder to think that Megan would actually follow these tips herself, and actually believes them. It’s paranoia that rivals Howard Hughes, without the cachet of being an eccentric billionaire with an airplane called the Spruce Goose.

First, my question for Megan is, do you go outside? Into communal areas? Your own house? These areas are absolutely rife with bacteria, virii, and critters? What makes hotel rooms any more dangerous than a shuttle bus at the airport, the interior of an airplane, or your crew briefing room at your airline? Most healthy individuals, and, I assume because Megan is flying in an airplane for a region, she’s relatively healthy, are in possession of a a beautifully tuned immune system that is specifically designed to ward off billions of potential invaders without excessive preparation. Unless one is immuncompoimised, we, as humans, are designed to fight invaders at all times, in all environments.  Megan, do you have any idea how much bacteria is simply on a piece of food, a desk, a doorknob, or in the air?

I’d be much more inclined to listen to Megan’s sensationalism if she could actually convince me that a hotel room was a markedly more virulent environment than most others. Yes, I fully concede that stories of unwashed glassware and bedbugs (again – my entomology professor said that no human should have to see what it looks like behind the boards affixed to the walls at the head of the beds after a bedbug infestation).

Many of these tips don’t offer any protection, whatsoever (uh, can bacterium or a virus not fit through fibers of your protective sock?) Can a bedbug not crawl up the leg of the luggage rack on which you so vehemently counsel people to place their luggage? And, some tips, ironically, only will serve to perpetrate the resistance and prevalence of bacteria in the future. Wiping down a remote with an antibacterial wipe has to be, without a doubt, one of the stupidest things I can imagine. A – most hotel remotes have been sitting for a while, in dry air, since someone last touched them. Most viruses do not survive long in the air (which, is why fluid contact is so often required for viral transmission). B – The paranoid overuse of bacterial wipes only helps us create drug resistant bacteria for the future, all in the name of wiping out some common, most likely harmless, bacterial colonies on the remote, anyway. Remember – when one uses antibacterial soap, wipes, or gel, there ain’t no way you’re obliterating all of the bacteria on that surface. The ones that survive, essentially, have survived the attack by the antibacterial agent, which, leads to evolution of drug resistance. It’s a very real threat.  Methicillin-resistant bacteria are more prevalent than ever before in hospitals, and – well, we currently have no drug that treats a methcillin-resistant infection (See note at top of post for correction!). Sure, if you work in a hospital – as a trained professional of some sort – use all the antibacterial methods your hospital protocols require. But,  I can only imagine the future because people have placed their trust in Lysol commercials, who over-dramatize bacterial colonies  and make people think that our houses are rife with infection and should be feared. Great, years of drug resistant bacteria, all in the name of selling products, and in the name of a completely unfounded fear and rationale bereft of critical thinking that your remote contains botulism.

It’s simply quite difficult for me to justify how a hotel room is necessarily more dangerous than the inside of an airplane, or any area where people gather. These tips are absolutely insane.

Moreover, in terms of Gary Leff, I just can’t wrap my head around this guy. How can someone so consistently rationale, principled, calculating, and obsessed with safety (to the point of being a droning bore sometimes), advocate this garbage? This guy never ceases to befuddle.  I just don’t understand.

Meanwhile, I’m going to go wipe down my remote, and fashion myself a protective body suit made of socks. Megan says it will protect me.