Called the Virgin Australia frequent flyer contact centre last week

Get the usual guff: Welcome blah blah

“Press 1 for bookings

Press 2 for Frequent flyer

Key in your membership number

Transferring you now”

(Sound of transfer)

“Due to the Australian Public Holiday, our centre is closed”.

Why not tell me before I pressed all those numbers?

I get so peeved with those automated voice systems when:

1. I end up in a Department that is not the one I selected
2. I enter my frequent flyer membership number or flight details or credit card and when I finally get a human, I have to repeat everything
3. you get menu after menu after menu
4. the voice recognition system cannot recognise my accent (and I actually do speak clearly!) eg United and American systems

The most offensive of course are the Ryanair call centres that charge you a premium per minute rate to get advice or information.

Dawn in the air

In the film: Up in the Air, George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, a guy with the goal of earning one million miles with the one airline.

Today, I reached the milestone of one million miles in the air (1.6 million kilometres).  My life does not completely rsemble Clooney’s movie character, however. I actually love being home and I like people but I do like my elite statuses: 

• United Airlines Gold
• Virgin Blue Gold
• Qantas Platinum 

I measure my air life at a great flight tracking tool called FlightMemory.  My friend Tony, who passed away two years ago entered almost 500 flights into the Flight Memory system for me  as a Birthday present. RIP Tony, I miss you. So here is the summary:

You will note, that one million miles represents 40 times around the earth. It is the same distance to the moon and back – twice.

On Board Singapore Airlines A380- my first ever A380

To get to one million miles, I have flown 719 times between 1968 and 2011 on 73 airlines.  One third of my flights have been with Qantas and one tenth with United/Continental.
Some of the airlines I have flown are now:

•  now broke and gone eg Ansett, Independence 
•  morphed eg BOAC into British Airways
•  taken over eg Northwest, Impulse
• much better eg Virgin Blue
• much worse eg United

Most loved airlines are:  Emirates, Virgin America, Air New Zealand and Jetblue

Most hated airlines include:  Ryanair, Delta and United (the irony of having Gold Status with them)

I took this while on a 3 mile run from my LAX airport hotel

I have been transported to 177 airports in 34 countries on five continents. Interestingly, I have been to 46 countries in total in my life with some places visited by train or bus only. Not surprisingly,  two Australian  airports Sydney and Melbourne account for about 40% of all my airports visited. I have been to 54 airports only once. Airport highlights:

• Most northern airport: GRY, Grimsey, Iceland 
• Most southern airport: IVC, Invercargill, New Zealand 
• Most eastern airport: NAN, Nadi, Fiji 
• Most western airport:  APW, Apia, Samoa
• Most visited airport: MEL, Melbourne, Australia
• Favourite airport: SIN, Singapore, Singapore
• Most despised airport: LAX, Los Angeles, USA

I have used 48 different types of planes:-
All the boeings: 707, 717, 727, 737, 747, 757, 767, 777
Airbus: 300, 310, 319, 320, 330, 340, 380
DC 8, 9, 10
Canadairs, Embraers, Fokkers, Saabs. I even been on a Zepplin.
NB Two of those planes, the 737 and 767 represent almost half of all the planes I have flown on!
The only planes not flown are Russian planes eg Tupolovs etc
I love the 777 and A380. I have loved my flights with six exceptions eg having flown through a thunderstorm in a Beechcraft- never again.

I am so fortunate to have seen the sights that I have seen:
Europe : Bruges, Mont St Michel, Taize, Venice, Tour Eiffel, Paris, WW1 Belgian war-fields, Krakow Market Square, Koln Dom, Bilbao, Reykjavik, Auschwitz
USA: Mt Rushmore, Devil’s Tower, Cape Canaveral, climbing statue of Liberty, Grand Canyon,Yosemite, New York, Chicago, Boston, Portland ME, Portland, OR
Middle East: Bethlehem, Nazereth and Jerusalem,
Australia: Great Barrier Reef, Ningaloo, Uluru, kangaroo Island, Coober Pedy, Brokjen Hill, Lake Pedder, The Pinnacles, Uluru, kakadu, Wave Rock,
Canada: CN Tower, Toronto Islands,
New Zealand: Milford Track, Queen Charlotte Sound
Tropical Islands: , Fiji, Hawaii, New Caledonia and Samoa.
Waterfalls: Niagara Falls, Victoria Falls, Russell Falls, Gullfoss
Musuems; Anne Frank House, British Museum, Frick Collection, Guggenheim, Holocaust Museum DC, In Flanders Fields Museum, Kunsthistorisches Museum, Metropolitan Museum of Art, Musee d Orsay, NGA Canberra, Powerhouse Museum, Philadelphia Museum of Art, SFMOMA, Smithsonian, Vatican, Yad Vashem

The best part of the travel. Making and staying friends with people who live from the USA to Argentina, from New Zealand to New York, to South Africa Thanks for sharing the journey with me!

Finally, for the last ten years, I have been offsetting my travel buying trees to absorb carbon pollution. Not the best solution but a start. I now offset 110% of my carbon output.

So whats my goal? Another million miles? Not sure yet!

So you turn up at the airport and find that you have stupidly    inadvertendly  deliberately left your Boarding pass at home. Assuming it is not with your passport, you usually dont have a problem!

For example, in the USA, you can rock on up to a machine and get a new one printed. In other countries, a human usually has to issue you with a new one.

Not so easy with Ryanair who has decided you must print your own pass at home. Forget to do so and Ryanair make you pay for a new one. Remember this is Ryanair,  the airline that charges for everything they can. The same Ryanair I put as the sixth worst airline in 2010.

So how much would you expect for them to print you a Boarding Pass? 5 eruo ($US7ish £4.25) ? 10 euro?

TRY 40 Euro (almost $USD55 or £34!!!!). In some cases this may be more than the fare!

A Spanish judge  Barbara Maria Cordoba has thwarted this in Spain saying saying:  ”The normal practice over the years has been that the obligation to issue the boarding card has always fallen on the carrier. I declare unfair and therefore void the contractual clause in which Ryanair obliges the passenger to be the one who brings the printed boarding pass to travel or face a penalty of €40.”

 First round to the public….stay tuned for Ryanair next play.

Ryanair is the discount airline that everyone loves to hate.  Overall, they are the 8th largest in the world by total passneger numbers but Ryanair is the largest airline in the world in terms of international passenger numbers carrying 66 million passengers  annually. They fly more international passengers than Lufthansa. Staggeringly they carry more international passengers than British Airways  and Air France combined. They operate   250 Boeing 737-800 aircraft on over 1,100 routes across Europe. 


On my Ranking of my most disliked airlines, Ryanair is Eighth). However, Tripadviser earlier in 2010 declared Ryanair to be the worst for amenities (4th year in a row). Reasons why Ryanair is disliked:

1. Ryanair charge very low fares and then add extras like luggage and credit card fees (see my article: Discount Airline Ripoffs). Holiday Which?, said Ryanair is the “worst offender” for charging for optional extras. Check out this very very funny spoof of Ryanair’s practices by Fascinating Aida (NB naughty language!). 
2. Many of the airports they claim to fly to are nowhere near their destinations e.g. “Hamburg Lübeck”, Germany is an hour by bus from Hamburg. Their Paris airport is Beauvais-Tillé, 85 km from Paris.
3. They have been fined by Advertising Authorities several times 
4. They have been accused of abandoning passengers at the wrong airports
5. Covalence’s 2010 annual ranking of the overall ethical performance of multinational corporations put Ryanair at the bottom 12
6. Passengers arriving at an airport without a pre-printed online check-in have to pay €40 for their boarding pass to be re-issued
7. Customer complaints can only be made via a premium rate phone line, by fax or by post

One passenger (Robert Tyler) who disliked them immensely set up ihateryanair.co.uk in February 2007. The site has acted as a place for passengers to share horror stories. In January 2010, Mr Tyler began accepting ads on the site which earnt him 365 pounds. 


Ryanair then took Mr Tyler to a domain name tribunal complaining “that the site took unfair advantage of the Ryanair name for commercial gain.” The adjudicator agreed saying: “It cannot be fair to take advantage of the reputation attached to another party’s trade mark in this manner, whether it be good or bad.” and has demanded that the doman naem “ihateryanair.co.uk” be handed over to the airline. 
Mr Tyler has simply moved the content to http://www.ihateryanair.org! Check out these other anti Ryanair websites

• http://davefaq.com/Opinions/RyanAir-Sucks/
•  http://www.ryanaircampaign.org/ 
• Ryanair be fair (employee complaints). 

How an airline with four websites against them can continue to survive and grow makes you wonder!

How many people really care what aeroplane they are in? I do care -cos I sit in a 100 planes a year! These planes are my favourites: 

• Boeing 767 (flown 102 times)
• Boeing 717 (flown 18 times)
• Boeing 747 (83 times for 660 000km)
• Boeing 777 (alas only 7 times)
• CRJ 700 (a mere 10 times)
• Airbus 340  (8 times)
• Airbus 380 (now 3 times)

The plane I am in love with is the A380, the world’s largest passenger plane. First flew it with Singapore Airlines from Singapore to Sydney last November. Then I travelled on the Qantas one in June from Los Angeles to Sydney (blog post here) This week’s adventure on the mega Jumbo was with Emirates, the airline of Dubai on their service from Auckland to Sydney. Today I compare the flying experience between these three airlines. Sadly only in Economy. Sponsorship is welcomed to try the First Class product with all of them!

Passenger Reactions

I was curious to see the reactions from my approximately 500 fellow as they  filed past the plane. Just five of us stopped and took photographs of the 569 tonne monster (pictured)

Forty or fifty gazed, pointed and chatted displaying an excitement about flying the 22 wheeled Double Decker aluminum “Super Jumbo” aeroplane.

Some were more nonchalant, glancing at the plane as they headed to the Boarding gate

A very large number were clearly caught up in the excitement of the journey – just happy to be travelling. The type of plane seemed irrelevant in this situation. We had two large groups -a large Kiwi young rugby player contingent and a Chinese tour group on board.

A few slipped nervously on board, obviously dreading the three hours inside the 73m (239ft) long metal tube. Can you believe the the Wright brothers first flight was only 37 metres (120 feet) long. In other words this plane is almost twice as long as humanity’s first ever powered flight. One would love to see their faces if they ever came face to face with this plane.

Emirates check in was astoundingly efficient considering there were three flights departing Auckland in a short time period -one to Brisbane, (B777), one to Melbourne (A340) and the A380 flight to Sydney. This means a potential check in number of a 1000 passengers. Plentiful desks and hired contractors directing passenger traffic made the experience easy . From queue to boarding pass was less than six minutes. This matched the Qantas check in and faster than the one at Singapore Airlines.


Check in:
Emirates (EQ) 10/10
Qantas   (QF) 9/10
Singapore (SQ) 8/10

Boarding
Boarding was also efficient -and fast. The welcome aboard by the on board crew was astounding. While the Qantas welcome on the A380 had been up to the usually Qantas friendliness,  I generally find the Singapore Airlines “welcome aboards” a little false and forced. With Emirates the ethnically diverse crew members greeted you in a way that seemed personal, unique and genuine.  It may not seem much but this contact reminds the passenger that they are special and are involved in the special experience of flying. I know many Airlines have reduced flight to that of a bus to the detriment of the flying experience I believe.


Boarding/Welcome aboard: EQ: 10/10, QF: 9/10,  SQ 7/10




On Board
My seat was 81K. This seat together with 81A and 68A and 68K  are the best seats on the Emirates plane. Located in the emergency exit, they have no seat in front of them. Thank you to my friend Brett for this tip. 
On this plane I had two very fun women sitting next to me in my row -thanks for a great flight! 
A gentleman seated a row in front of me was a different story. When I arrived at the seat, I found the very large luggage bin a disaster area with bags badly packed and a couple trying to shove lots of bags on top of the other bags in the bin. The couple were oblivious to contents or fragility. I suggested to them, we repack which they accepted. The repacking was a success! We got all the bags into the luggage bin including mine. I made sure that small bags were on top of big ones. As I did this, I asked who owned a blue bag that had been in danger of being squashed under an avalanche of duty free. I wanted to get the owners permission before I moved it. The owner, seated in 80J, who had been watching this activity  yelled at me threatening me if I damaged his bag in any way, he would be very angry. I pointed out to him, I was saving his bag and that a polite thank you would have been better. He looked at me and was suddenly chastened when he realised he was out of line. He didnt say much for the flight.Safety Brief

Pre -flight inspections by crew were through and efficient. Safety briefing is only done over the TV monitors with the crew standing by. I prefer the way Qantas engages their cabin staff in the safety brief. To me it lends an air of seriousness –that the airline really knows its safety stuff.

Safety Inspections and Briefing: EQ: 7/10, QF: 9/10,  SQ 8/10

The Cabin Experience
Takeoff on the A380 is incredible. Firstly it is so quiet! There seems to be no dramatic roar  as the plane moves down the runway. Then the plane seems to simply glide up. The 380 feels like it wants to fly and is simply going back into the atmosphere where it belongs.


It is 40 years since the original jumbo started flying. The advances in air technology since then have been amazing. The A380 is a massive improvement over the 747. For example the A380 produces 50% less cabin noise than the currently flying 747 models and has greater cabin air pressure which makes travel more pleasant. The windows are larger. The bins are larger. The cabin is wider and higher. And of course more people can be flown for less fuel.While Emirates has two versions of the A380: One with 516 seats and one with 489seats. However, Air France crams in 538 people into its A380 in three classes. Lufthansa reduces that to 526. Singapore has opted for 471 seats and Qantas has only 450. NB The overall capacity of the plane is 853 passengers. One airline has said it will aim of 840 seats when it gets its A380 (Air Austral). Ryanair would probably aim for 1000! The feel of all three A380s I have been on has been of incredible spaciousness.

The Lavatories on the Emirates are real class with wood panelling and nice moisturisers etc! Tip: use the ones in the front of the plane. Most people seem to congregate down the back of the plane.


Cabin atmosphere and feel: EQ: 10/10, QF: 9/10,  SQ 8/10

On Board Entertainment System:
I found the Emirates ICE entertainment to be clunky and slow to navigate compared to their counterparts on Qantas and Singapore.
One of the groovy features with Emirates, however, is the cameras they have built into the nose and tail of the pane which allow you to watch takeoff and landing from any direction -although the woman next to me and I decided : ”it would be not a nice sight to watch your plane crash“. 


Entertainment System:
Emirates ICE: 7/10 plus 1 for the camera 8/10
Qantas iQ: 9/10,  
Singapore Krisworld: 10/10

Meal

The Emirates meal was amazing. In a world where airline meals in Economy have declined or diappeared, Emirates seems to believe that giving a quality product may attract repeat business! Starting with a Prawn (shrimp) cocktail, this was followed by a main dish of lamb and pasta, a bread roll, cheese & crackers, a chocolate cake dessert and a small chocolate square filled the spot. Contrary to a popular mythology,  Emirates is not a dry airline on most sectors, so wine was available with dinner. (Flying into Iran and Saudi Arabia would be a very different matter).


 Meal: EQ: 10/10, QF: 7/10,  SQ 9/10

The Verdict
Our landing into Sydney was bumpy (we had been forewarned) with rain, wind and low clouds. We felt very secure in our seats as the plane bounced through the cloudbursts.

My seatmates and I decided that the Emirates Airbus A380 is worth going out of the way for. So my A380 Ratings out of a possible 60:
 #1 Emirates  92%
#2 Qantas      87%  (check out the blog post)
#3 Singapore  83%
(Although I suspect if I was in first class, then I think Singapore’s private suites might be the winner!) 
In July I complied my list of Top 21 Airlines I have flown. When I revise the list, guess who will be the new number one?!


Thanks to my fun seatmates, Emirates and the cabin crew for a great trip